Difference between Challenge and Problem:
First, let's begin by distinguishing between a challenge and a problem, to understand the magnitude of the responsibility placed on Muslims living abroad for “Expatriation”. But first, what is Expatriation?
More than two decades ago, with the expansion of internet services across the globe, the world has effectively become a small village, where geographical and nationality boundaries no longer hinder the exchange of cultures. As a result, alienation is no longer tied to physical location but has shifted to cultural and intellectual dimensions. This has led to a profound sense of alienation in terms of values. Today, we find many Muslims feeling like strangers, even in their own Islamic countries. Therefore, the discussion on "How the Muslim family faces challenges in the West" goes beyond the geographical context, as it addresses the broader alienation faced by Muslim families in our time, even when they remain in their homeland. This echoes the words of the Prophet: "Islam began as something strange and will return to being strange", : "بدأ الإسلام غريبًا وسيعود غريبًا، فطوبى للغرباء"(1)
The distinction between a challenge and a problem lies in their nature and impact. A challenge is a situation that, depending on how resources are utilized, can lead to either positive or negative strategic outcomes. It requires activating all available strengths to achieve a significant goal or to mitigate a major risk. On the other hand, a problem is a disruption in daily life that hinders personal goals and typically has multiple alternative solutions, either through resolution or by minimizing its harmful effects.
In the context of Muslim families living in the diaspora, residing in an environment that contradicts their values and obstructs their pursuit of goals is not merely a problem—it is a profound challenge. These contradictions often embed themselves into daily life, creating ongoing stress that is beyond individual control. If a person fails to engage positively with these external pressures, they risk being overwhelmed, leading to a loss of identity and the erosion of core values.
How do Muslim families navigate life in the diaspora? Unfortunately, comprehensive scientific studies on this issue, particularly with accurate statistics, are lacking. Most available research is based on personal experiences rather than rigorous data. From my own experience—visiting Canada regularly since 2011 and living here for nearly four years—Muslims’ interaction with the diaspora community can generally be divided into three broad approaches:
- Isolation:
Out of fear of negative influences, some Muslims choose to isolate themselves, keeping their distance from the wider society. As a result, they miss out on shared Canadian social values and have little or no impact on the larger community.
- Assimilation:
Others, unfortunately, abandon their religious ties and values entirely, becoming fully assimilated into the host culture, to the point of dissolving their Islamic identity.
- Positive Engagement Without Compromising Identity:
The third group recognizes the challenge and actively engages with the host society while maintaining their Islamic principles. By embracing shared values that align with their faith and rejecting those that conflict, they contribute positively to society without losing their religious identity.
Some challenges facing Muslim families in the diaspora:
- The effect of alienation on the marital relationship:
Family disintegration and marital disputes represent one of the major challenges faced by Muslim families in the diaspora are often compounded by the lack of Islamic infrastructure, such as Islamic family counselors, Islamic psychologists, and Sharia courts. This absence can aggravate marital disputes, as there are limited resources to mediate conflicts based on Islamic principles. While some Islamic centers offer arbitration services, many families do not follow through with the decisions made by these committees. A family that prioritizes the pleasure of Allah, with both spouses working together to cultivate love and compassion, often finds their relationship strengthened when living in a foreign land. The unfamiliar environment can unite them, making each spouse a source of support for the other. However, for families with deep-rooted conflicts, these issues tend to worsen in the diaspora, with the marital relationship deteriorating further.
- Soliciting the wife in Western laws:
In some cases, wives may use Western laws as a tool to gain power in their relationships, particularly in situations of marital dispute. These laws, though offering rights and protections, can sometimes be perceived as enabling one spouse to act unjustly toward the other, if not used in the spirit of fairness and justice as taught in Islam. The key to successfully navigating these challenges lies in a strategic approach that encourages positive interaction with the broader society while maintaining one's Islamic values. By doing so, Muslim families can overcome the pressures they face and avoid falling into the extremes of isolation or assimilation.
Have Western laws led to a rise in divorce rates and empowered women to unfairly dominate men, or have they merely uncovered deep-seated family issues, long concealed by patriarchal traditions, unjust legal practices, and a flawed understanding of Islamic teachings? These laws may have opened the door for women, especially those who were oppressed, to seek the rights they had previously been denied in male-dominated systems. When this opportunity arose, many wives took the chance to seek justice. However, some have unfortunately responded to past oppression by acting unjustly in return, leveraging Western divorce laws—such as the right to claim half of the wealth—without considering fairness and equity. This raises an important question:
Have Western legal frameworks contributed to escalating marital conflicts and the breakdown of families, or have they simply exposed the underlying dysfunctions that existed within family structures but were masked by inequality?
From an Islamic family psychology perspective, it is critical to examine whether these laws challenge the integrity of the family or simply offer a legal platform for addressing long-standing grievances in an unjust system.
- The ideas that our children may adopt between glow, hyperbole, and anomaly:
One of the most serious challenges facing our children today is the tension between extremes like hyperbole, neglect, and the increasing normalization of homosexuality. This issue is exacerbated when parents neglect their essential role in parenting and education, leaving their children increasingly attached to the virtual world. It is crucial to emphasize an important educational principle: "Others can only influence your child to the extent that you allow or overlook." In the diaspora, there are numerous Islamic activities for children of all ages, such as Quran recitation, memorization, and learning about Islamic heroes. However, even in Islamic countries—not just in the diaspora—there are also forces promoting intellectual deviation and immorality.
The foundation of a nurturing, stable home for children lies primarily within the marital relationship of the parents. A healthy marriage, built upon mutual affection, mercy, and adherence to Islamic principles, serves as the anchor that protects and guides children. When parents neglect their responsibilities in upbringing and education, they inadvertently open the door for negative external influences to impact their children.
Children are a direct reflection of their parents' actions, not merely their words. Therefore, establishing a strong, values-based marital bond is crucial in ensuring the home becomes the primary source of positive guidance and protection for the child. It is through this proactive, Islamically-grounded parenting approach that children are shielded from harmful societal influences. Blaming the environment, the internet, or other external factors is simply an excuse for parental shortcomings. As the Quran states, "Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves" (Quran 13:11). The onus is on parents to take ownership of their responsibilities and create a nurturing, spiritually-rich home environment. By prioritizing the marital relationship, rooted in Islamic principles of love and mercy, parents can effectively instill core values and guide their children towards a positive, wholesome development. This proactive, interactive parenting, grounded in faith, is the surest way to safeguard children from negative influences and ensure their well-being.
- Drugs, alcohol, sex, and bad friends:
While reliable statistical data on the spread of concerning societal trends among Arab youth may be limited, the anecdotal experiences shared by parents reflect a disconcerting reality. We must confront this challenge head-on, without resorting to denial or selective favoritism. The diasporic environment, by nature, exposes our children to a wider array of influences, which may amplify the perception of these issues. However, we cannot overlook the pervasive nature of certain harmful phenomena, even within our own communities. The most pernicious "friend" our children can have is the Internet - a domain that is boundless, unmoored from any cultural or moral grounding. As the digital realm becomes an increasingly integral part of our lives, the need to guide our children in navigating it with Islamic values and principles becomes paramount.
Rather than dismissing or demonizing these technological influences, we must approach the situation with an open heart and mind. Building a relationship of trust and confidence with our children allows them to engage us openly, without fear or shame, about the challenges they face. Instilling a strong foundation in the core tenets of the Islamic faith - including clear guidelines on permissible and forbidden conduct in all aspects of life - serves as a vital safeguard against the corrosive effects of harmful online content and behaviors. Ultimately, the most powerful antidote to these societal ills lies in the parents themselves. By embodying the Islamic way of life, both in word and deed, we can provide our children with a solid moral compass and the resilience to withstand the temptations of the modern world.
- Parenting and Educational Legacy:
The Islamic family dynamic often carries with it a distinct set of parenting and educational practices, rooted in the cultural context from which it emerged. However, simply transplanting these methodologies without adapting them to the realities of the new environment can lead to conflicts and unintended consequences. It is critical to distinguish between the core, immutable principles of Islam, as outlined in the Quran and the Sunnah, and the cultural manifestations of these principles within various Islamic societies. While we hold firm faith and conviction in the divine sources of our religion, we must acknowledge that the way these teachings are interpreted and applied can vary across different contexts and communities.
One of the key mistakes in parenting and education is to blindly reproduce a particular approach, expecting the same results, without accounting for the variables of the new setting. The parenting and educational heritage of the Islamic world may not always align seamlessly with the curriculum and expectations of the modern, Western-influenced environment. In many cases, the approach to parenting and education in the countries of origin is often marked by an emphasis on authority, obedience, and even oppression. In contrast, the diaspora setting may prioritize persuasion, dialogue, and respect for individual rights. This clash of values and approaches can create a precarious situation for the children. For instance, children in the diaspora may be taught that they have the right to refuse anything they do not want, and that it is the duty of the community, including neighbors, to report any perceived violations of children's rights. This can put parents in a delicate position, where coercive tactics are no longer viable, and they must rely on the power of conviction and dialogue to instill Islamic values and practices. The great danger lies in the potential for children to become disillusioned with Islam, viewing it as a force of oppression rather than a source of guidance and spiritual nourishment. Parents must approach the task of raising their children with patience, empathy, and a deep understanding of the nuances of the new environment. The path forward lies in a careful reconciliation of Islamic principles with the realities of the diaspora setting. Parents must be willing to adapt their approaches while remaining steadfast in their commitment to instilling the core values of the faith. Through persuasion, open communication, and a deep investment in the child's well-being, parents can ensure that their children grow to be faithful, well-adjusted individuals, equipped to navigate the complexities of the modern world.
Many immigrants carry with them the worries and negative perceptions that drove them to seek a new home in the first place. They may be convinced of the inherent truth and superiority of their religion, leading them to wonder why their homeland appears to be lagging behind. This sense of disillusionment can manifest as a broken, withdrawn mentality that hinders their ability to fully engage and thrive within the new society. The lingering feelings of disappointment and inferiority regarding the state of the Muslim world can be a significant psychological burden. This internal conflict - of living in a developed, prosperous environment while harboring a deep-seated belief in the inherent greatness of their faith and culture - can lead to a profound sense of cognitive dissonance. Consequently, the representation of Muslims in positions of political power or within civic organizations may not be commensurate with their actual economic, scientific, or demographic strengths. This disparity can further exacerbate the feelings of disempowerment and marginalization, perpetuating a cycle of withdrawal and resignation. As an Islamic psychologist, it is crucial to address this issue of psychological defeat through a multi-faceted approach. First and foremost, we must create safe spaces for open dialogue, where individuals can confront and reconcile their conflicting emotions and beliefs. By fostering a nurturing environment of empathy and understanding, we can help them navigate the complexities of their identity and reframe their perspectives.
Secondly, we must emphasize the importance of constructive engagement and proactive contribution to the new society. Rather than succumbing to feelings of helplessness, we must encourage members of the community to leverage their unique skills, knowledge, and resources to make meaningful, positive impacts - both within the Muslim community and the larger societal context. Through this holistic approach, rooted in Islamic principles of self-reflection, resilience, and social responsibility, we can empower individuals to overcome the psychological barriers of defeat and embrace a more empowered, purposeful existence within their new environment.
- The contradiction between household values and societal values:
The conflict that children may experience between the values instilled by their parents and the realities they observe in the broader societal context is indeed one of the most perilous challenges they can face. This dissonance can be deeply unsettling and lead to a crisis of faith and identity. On one hand, parents may emphasize the grandeur and noble principles of Islam, extolling the virtues of their religion and its teachings. They may speak with pride about the ideals of justice, equality, and the dignity of human life that are central to the Islamic worldview.
However, when children are confronted with the apparent deterioration of these values in the surrounding community - whether it be through the lack of respect for human rights, the disparities in the application of the law, or the perceived indifference towards various forms of work and contributions - it can create a profound sense of cognitive dissonance. The inability to reconcile the lofty, idealized vision of Islamic societies propagated at home with the tangible realities they witness in their immediate environment can lead children to doubt the very foundations of their faith. They may be tempted to place greater trust in the "dazzling material reality" of the diaspora community, which can appear to offer a more coherent and satisfying value system. We all as an Islamic community, it is our responsibility to address this challenge with empathy, wisdom, and a nuanced understanding of the complexities involved. We must create safe spaces for children to voice their doubts and concerns, and help them navigate the seemingly contradictory messages they receive.
Through open and honest dialogue, we can guide them to reconcile their faith with the realities of the modern world, equipping them with the tools to critically examine societal norms and practices while maintaining a steadfast commitment to the core principles of Islam. By doing so, we can help them forge a robust, integrated identity that celebrates the value of their religion while remaining grounded in the complexities of their lived experiences. Ultimately, the goal is to empower these children to become agents of positive change – individuals who can draw upon the timeless wisdom of their faith to address the shortcomings they observe in their communities, and who can strive to bridge the gap between the ideals of Islam and the realities of the modern world.
- Random Islamic Organizations’ Action:
Although there are many Islamic institutions, most diaspora communities lack a central body to organize Islamic efforts under a cohesive strategy. This gap often leads to missed opportunities for cooperation, and at times even rivalry—not over material resources but in the quest for justice and influence. Islamic social work is often complicated by the importation of political and sectarian divisions, as external states supporting these institutions impose their own political agendas. The absence of coordinated Islamic social action undermines the potential for Islamic values of justice, solidarity, and mutual aid to be effectively realized in diaspora communities.
In general, young Muslim women tend to have a stronger commitment to religious values compared to their male counterparts. As a result, some young Muslim men live single “without marriage”, while others marry non-Muslim women. This creates a significant challenge for Muslim women seeking marriage in Western societies, which often becomes a burden for their families. It is perplexing that, despite living in the diaspora, some families still cling to traditional Eastern marriage customs with their excessive demands, further complicating the situation.
To understand the extent of the psychological pressures facing our children in public schools, one must recall the struggles we experienced during adolescence, even while growing up in conservative environments. Now, our children are growing up in a culture where matters of sexuality are as casual as daily life activities. While I do not have precise statistics on the current state of our children, the situation can often be seen in one of two ways: either they openly reject their parents' guidance and live freely, protected by laws that shield them from parental influence, or they lead double lives—appearing devout and obedient at home, yet lost and confused outside. Some, by the mercy of Allah, manage to occupy themselves in constructive ways, but the constant pressure of sexual temptation still leaves physical and psychological scars.
It’s crucial to address these issues by providing our youth with guidance and support that is both deeply rooted in Islamic principles and adaptive to the challenges they face in Western society. This balance can help them maintain their identity and well-being, without falling into internal conflicts or external pressures.
If these are some of the problems facing the Muslim family in the West, then How can it be confronted? (Continued)
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Dr. Yehia Othman
Marital Relationship and Family Counselor
+1(416)997-4377
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