I heard a woman complains about the long travels of her husband, saying that she has calculated the actual time spent with him over twenty years, and it did not exceed two years; that is, an average of a month or a little more each year.
Another says: My husband has been absent from me for more than two or three years under the pretense of earning a living and securing the future of the children, without caring about me, my feelings, or my need for him.
A third woman narrates that she feels embarrassed to reveal her hair and adornments to her husband due to his long absences, to the extent that she feels he is a stranger to her, and she is a stranger to him.
A fourth complains that her husband has not raised a single child with her; he only plants the seed in her womb and then leaves her, watching the child's growth through pictures, without experiencing the moments of childhood, adolescence, and youth.
These are excerpts from the confessions of women who suffer from the estrangement of their husbands, who travel to countries like the Gulf to earn money and send monthly financial transfers to them. The husband becomes merely a “visa,” leaving the wife in the midst of life’s struggles, amid a turbulent sea of pressures, responsibilities, and psychological and physical needs.
Perhaps, some societies do not suffer significantly from this problem due to higher income levels, which means fewer reasons to travel in search of work, among other things. However, there are countries with difficult economic and political conditions, which force the husband to face the option of estrangement, or perhaps exile, for years.
One form of exacerbating this injustice towards the wife is the additional pressures imposed on her, demanding patience and minimizing her suffering under the pretext that her husband is securing a future full of wealth, gold, and a luxurious life. This ignores the severe negative consequences this has on her and her children.
How many families have been torn apart and ruined due to the husband's travel! How many children have failed academically and collapsed morally due to the absence of the father and mentor! How many wives have weakened and become physically and mentally ill due to the absence of their life partner, perhaps seeking divorce for harm or falling into sin in search of missing fulfillment that money cannot provide!
Here, honesty requires saying that some husbands might satisfy their desires and needs by marrying abroad, claiming they fear falling into temptation, ignoring the wife who endured his absence and also fears falling into temptation but has no other choice.
Psychological Pressures
Scientific studies indicate that the risks of psychological stress and nervous pressures increase by three times among wives who suffer from their husbands' constant travel. Continuous long-term travel causes the wife to experience frustration and depression, leading to physical illnesses and possibly severe health deterioration.
Family relationship experts diminish the value of expensive gifts that traveling husbands might bring to their wives, emphasizing that family stability is not achieved in a marital life that lasts only a month annually or through an intermittent relationship over long periods. Instead, such environments can promote a setting of discord, alienation, and internal estrangement.
The situation worsens when the husband insists on not taking his wife and children to accompany him on his travels, claiming the need to save more money or due to the high cost of living abroad, or due to regulatory and legal requirements, or other reasons beyond this discussion. However, the psychological and social suffering intensifies, and the victims are many.
Indeed, it is not only the wife who pays the price mentally, emotionally, and physically. The children also suffer, as they search in vain for security in their father's embrace, psychological support in his hands, and family warmth in their daily gatherings, meals, playful interactions, and checking on them academically and morally. The husband also pays the price by being deprived of marital intimacy and emotional fulfillment and missing the invaluable moments of his children's laughter, which money cannot buy.
Indeed, there is no blame on him if he travels to seek livelihood or other purposes. However, he must guard against prolonged travel and be wary of corrupting influences and temptations, not forgetting his wife’s rights and her desire for emotional and physical fulfillment. He is her comfort and fortress of affection and mercy. It is narrated that Umar ibn al-Khattab, may Allah be pleased with him, asked his daughter Hafsa: How long can a woman endure her husband's absence? She said: Five months, six months. He then set a limit for people in their expeditions of six months: they travel for a month, stay for four, and travel back for a month.
Jurists say: If the traveler has no excuse preventing his return and he is absent for more than six months, and his wife requests his return, he must comply. Others refer this matter to the spouses, as they are most knowledgeable about their circumstances. If they agree on a specific period that the wife can endure without her husband, there is no blame on him if the travel time exceeds or falls short of six months. But if they disagree, they must refer to a judge to rule according to Allah's Sharia.
In conclusion, I whisper to every estranged husband, advising him to fear Allah regarding his wife, provide her with a sanctuary of modesty and comfort, appreciate her emotions and feelings, and protect her honor and faith in a time filled with wolves. Life is not just about money!
-------------------------------------------------------------
Read the Article in Arabic
