Raising Children in Islam: Balancing Parental Duties and Mental Health
The family is the first building block
and fundamental foundation of human personality. The role of parents extends
far beyond providing food, clothing, and physical care; it also involves
creating a psychological and social sanctuary that protects children from
life’s fluctuations and disturbances.
Children’s psychological stability and
emotional balance are not products of chance. Rather, they are the fruits of balanced upbringing
rooted in the objectives of Islamic law and its protection of people’s
psychological and social rights. Just as Islam encourages children to honor and
remain loyal to their parents, it also obliges parents to fulfill their trust
and provide proper care for their children.
Amid the rapid changes of modern life
and the growing social and psychological pressures people face, it has become
increasingly important to understand the delicate balance that Islamic law
establishes between parental duties and children’s rights to ensure healthy
development founded on affection and mercy.
1. Parental Responsibility:
Understanding the Trust of Raising Children
Islamic law does not regard fatherhood and motherhood as forms of absolute authority. Rather, it considers
them a trust and a responsibility for which a person will be held accountable
before Allah SWT. Islamic teachings work together to emphasize the principle of
comprehensive care that meets all a child’s needs.
Allah SWT says, {Wealth and children are the adornment of this worldly
life.} [Al-Kahf 18:46]
Children are an adornment that calls
for gratitude and attentive care to preserve this blessing. Abdullah Ibn `Umar
(may Allah be pleased with them both) reported that the Messenger of Allah
(peace and blessings be upon him) said: “Everyone
of you is a guardian and is responsible for his charge; the ruler is a guardian
and is responsible for his subjects; the man is a guardian in his family and
responsible for his charges; a woman is a guardian of her husband's house and
responsible for her charges.” (Narrated by Al-Bukhari, 2558)
This responsibility requires parents
to recognize that their children’s rights
begin even before they enter the world. These rights include choosing a good
environment for them, giving them good names, and providing sound educational
and spiritual upbringing.
2. Emotional Security: Making
Love a Language of Parenting
The first step toward achieving a child’s psychological balance is ensuring that they feel emotionally secure at
home. Children need openly expressed love and consistent emotional support to
develop a healthy psychological foundation free from unnecessary complications.
These principles are clearly reflected
in the noble guidance of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), who
taught us to express our feelings and show mercy to children.
Abu Hurairah reported that the
Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) kissed Al-Hasan Ibn Ali
while Al-Aqra` Ibn Habis was present. Al-Aqra` said, “I have ten children and I have never kissed any of them.” The
Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, looked at him and
said, “Whoever does not show mercy will not be shown mercy.” (Narrated by Al-Bukhari and Muslim.)
`A’isha (may Allah be pleased with
her) also reported that a Bedouin came to the Prophet (peace and blessings be
upon him) and asked, “You (people) kiss the
boys! We don't kiss them.” The Prophet said, “I cannot put mercy in your heart
after Allah has taken it away from it.” (Narrated by Al-Bukhari and
Muslim)
Using different ways to express
affection—including kind words, appreciation, attentive listening, and a gentle
touch—gives children a sense of security and importance. (1) This
helps strengthen their self-confidence and their ability to cope with pressure
and challenges.
By contrast, emotional coldness and
psychological neglect inflict hidden wounds that affect a child’s personality development and may drive them toward withdrawal or
rebellion. They can also contribute to raising generations burdened by anxiety
and low self-esteem.
A warm family environment and kind
words, however, give children a protective shield that enables them to face
external challenges with greater resilience and stability.
3. Fairness Among Children:
Preventing the Seeds of Conflict
One of the keys to children’s
psychological balance is their deep sense of fairness and equality in the
treatment and attention they receive within the family. Favoritism or treating
one child as superior to another can plant the seeds of jealousy, resentment,
and other negative emotions that may accompany them throughout their lives.
The Noble Quran illustrates the
serious consequences that perceived favoritism and discrimination within a
family can have, potentially leading to hostility.
This is evident in the story of Prophet Yusuf (peace be upon him) and his
brothers, who said: {Surely Joseph and his brother ˹Benjamin˺
are more beloved to our father than we, even though we are a group of so many. Indeed,
our father is clearly mistaken.}
[Yusuf 12:8]
The Prophetic tradition explicitly
reinforces this principle of fairness. An-Nu`man Ibn Bashir reported that his
father took him to the Messenger of Allah (peace and
blessings be upon him) to have him witness a gift his father had given him.
The Prophet asked, “Have you given (the like of
it) to everyone of your sons?” He replied in the negative. Allah’s Messenger (peace and
blessings be upon him) said,
“Be afraid of Allah, and be just to your children.” (Narrated by Al-Bukhari and Muslim)
Fairness within the family strengthens
children’s spiritual security and protects sibling relationships from conflict
and disputes.
4. Balancing Firmness and
Mercy: Rejecting Parental Mistreatment
Some parents, whether unintentionally
or as a result of life’s pressures, may resort to harsh behavior, excessive
authoritarianism, or verbal humiliation that damages a child’s personality and
undermines their emotional balance.
Children’s psychological well-being,
however, develops through a delicate balance between compassionate mercy and
thoughtful firmness. Mercy without firmness can lead to excessive indulgence
and a lack of behavioral boundaries, while firmness without mercy becomes
authoritarianism and harshness that damage a child’s personality and deprive
them of emotional security.
Thoughtful firmness means establishing clear and consistent boundaries
and rules for upbringing while taking the child’s age and abilities into
account. These rules should be enforced gently and consistently, without
humiliation or retaliation, so that children learn responsibility and self-discipline.
Islamic law calls for gentleness and
mercy and recognizes that neglecting children’s rights is a form of parental
wrongdoing. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) warned against
failing to fulfill one’s responsibilities toward those in one’s care, saying, “It is sufficient sin for a man that he neglects him whom
he maintains.” (Narrated by Abu
Dawud)
Another principle of Prophetic
parenting is to create an environment that
helps children honor their parents rather than driving them toward emotional
distance and estrangement. The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon
him) said, “May Allah have mercy on a parent who
helps their child be dutiful toward them.”
(Authenticated by Al-Albani)
Allah, Exalted be He, also instructs
people to speak kindly to everyone, saying: {Speak
kindly to people.} [Al-Baqarah 2:83]
Children are undoubtedly among those
most deserving of kind and gentle words from their parents. Excessive harshness
and verbal abuse produce nothing but emotional damage and rebellion, whereas
gentleness and balanced guidance foster a strong psychological foundation that
supports healthy adaptation and development.
Fostering psychological balance in
children is an investment in future generations and the future of the Muslim Ummah.
A child who grows up in a home characterized by love, fairness, and mercy is
better equipped to face life’s pressures and less likely to be overwhelmed by
crises or swept away by harmful ideological and psychological influences.
Once parents recognize their
responsibility before Allah, they must continually strive to improve their
parenting skills and combine thoughtful firmness with abundant affection. In
doing so, they can truly become a source of security and protection for their children.
This is how the higher objectives of
building a Muslim family founded on tranquility, affection, and mercy can be
fulfilled, positively influencing both family stability and the cohesion of
society as a whole.
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Elgohary, Fedaa Mansour. (2026). “The Five Love Languages in Light of
Prophetic Guidance.” Al-Mujtama Magazine. Available at: https://mugtama.com/a/azlLVvBz
