4 Keys to Raising Balanced Men in Islam
In recent decades, Western societies have witnessed a sharp crisis
in masculine identity — a crisis that distorts the family structure and the
psychological and social balance of men. Many young men have detached
themselves from their natural roles and followed two distorted models of
manhood: one that equates strength with violence and dominance, and another
that strips itself of all masculine traits, even in orientation and gender identity.
This crisis is reflected clearly in alarming statistics. According
to data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), suicide
rates among men in the United States are nearly four times higher than among
women, making males the group most affected by suicide.
At the family level, Pew Research Center reports that nearly one in
four American children lives with only one parent (most often the mother), the
highest rate among developed nations. This reality leaves deep effects on the
formation of masculine identity and the psychological stability of children.
Reviews from organizations such as the National Fatherhood
Initiative show that the absence or weakness of the father’s role in the home
correlates with higher rates of behavioral problems, depression, and diminished
sense of responsibility among boys — since masculine role models are formed
through observation and imitation, not through lectures.
In this absence of masculinity, the media and social networks fill
the image of “manhood” with distorted patterns — between extreme aggression and
complete irresponsibility — until many young men today struggle to define what
being a man even means.
Manhood in Islam
In contrast, Islam presents a complete and balanced concept of
manhood that differs from the stereotypes promoted by modern culture or mass
media.
In the Islamic worldview, manhood is not about physical strength or a deep
voice; it is about steadfastness upon principle, truthfulness in commitment,
the ability to harmonize strength with mercy, and exercising responsibility with
wisdom and justice, not through violence or oppression.
Allah Says, {Among the believers are men who have
proven true to what they pledged to Allah.} [Al-Ahzab 33:23] The
Quranic discourse links the essence of manhood to sincerity and steadfastness
in one’s covenant with Allah, not to outward appearances or claims. The
Companions were those men who fulfilled their covenant with Allah and stood
firm in times of hardship.
The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “Surely!
Everyone of you is a guardian and is responsible for his charges... A man is
the guardian of his family (household) and is responsible for his subjects.” (Al-Bukhari and Muslim) Through this teaching,
the Prophet (peace be upon him) instilled that true manhood lies in bearing
responsibility, whether as a ruler over a nation or as a father within his
household.
He also set the greatest example of compassion and humanity: he
played with children, kissed his sons, showed mercy to the weak, and cared for
the poor. When a Bedouin expressed surprise at him kissing children, the
Prophet (peace be upon him) replied: “I cannot
put mercy in your heart after Allah has taken it away from it.” (Al-Bukhari
and Muslim)
Thus, the real man is the one whose heart overflows with mercy
without losing his dignity or firmness.
How Can a Mother Raise a Man?
The mother is the first school of manhood. From her, the child absorbs the features of his
personality, learns the meaning of strength, responsibility, and balanced
emotion. She shapes his awareness, plants faith in his heart, and nurtures in
him courage, mercy, and independence.
1.
Planting Faith
In Islam, manhood is neither authority nor violence, it is founded
upon a man’s relationship with Allah.
Allah Says, “˹That light shines˺ through houses ˹of worship˺ which Allah has ordered to be raised, and where His Name is
mentioned. He is glorified there morning and evening by men who are
not distracted—either by buying or selling—from Allah’s remembrance, or
performing prayer, or paying alms-tax. ” (An-Nur 24:36–37)
From an early age, the mother teaches her son that true manhood
begins with submission to Allah, not to desire, and with fulfilling his
covenant with Allah through sincerity and righteous deeds.
She wakes him for Fajr prayer, tells him stories of the Prophet (peace
be upon him) and his Companions — their courage, their firmness in truth, and
their unwavering faith — nurturing in him the conviction that real bravery lies
in steadfastness and loyalty to Allah.
2.
Teaching Responsibility and
Independence
One of the earliest signs of manhood is that the child feels he is
a doer, not merely a receiver of commands.
From this principle, the mother can begin from early childhood to assign small
tasks that build his sense of capability and accountability: arranging his room, helping a family member, or taking initiative
in household duties.
She reinforces in him the Prophet’s (peace be upon him) saying: “Surely! Everyone of you is a guardian and is responsible
for his charges.” Thus, he becomes an active, engaged member of the
family, not a detached observer.
She also encourages him to apologize when wrong and understand that
apology does not diminish his masculinity — rather, it shows maturity and moral
strength.
Moreover, the mother should gradually increase responsibility,
avoiding overwhelming the child with burdens he cannot bear, while allowing him
to learn from mistakes.
Studies in educational psychology confirm that parental
overprotection is linked to decreased self-efficacy and lower decision-making
independence among children, negatively affecting the development of manhood.
3.
Balancing Emotion and
Strength
Manhood is neither harshness nor rigidity, it is a delicate balance
between strength and compassion.
Islam does not seek to raise tough, emotionless males but merciful men who
master their hearts as they master their actions.
True manhood does not criminalize emotion; it refines and
disciplines it.
A mother should teach her son that manhood is not measured by emotional
numbness but by the ability to channel feelings toward goodness.
Crying is not weakness, but surrendering to helplessness or
avoiding responsibility is.
Likewise, strength does not lie in dominating others, but in mastering oneself
— as the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “The
strong man is not the good wrestler; but the strong man is he who controls
himself when he is angry.” (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)
4.
Avoiding What Weakens Manhood
Certain parenting mistakes can produce mere males without manhood.
Among the most common errors that mothers should recognize and correct early
are:
Overindulgence
When a child grows accustomed to having all his desires met
instantly without effort or patience, he gradually loses his sense of value and
responsibility. He becomes dependent, viewing manhood as a privilege to take,
not a duty to give.
A boy who never learned patience, effort, or sacrifice will never
understand true responsibility.
Hence, the mother should grant him space to strive and struggle for what he
wants — reminding him that manhood is not given but earned through perseverance
and giving.
Humiliation and Comparison with Girls
One of the most harmful statements to a child’s mind is when
parents say mockingly, “Be a man!” — or compare him to girls when he
cries or shows fear.
Such remarks teach him that manhood opposes emotion and that mercy is weakness,
while the truth is that emotional regulation and self-control define real
strength.
Absence of the Father and Lack of Role Models
According to the U.S. Census Bureau, about 25% of children in the
United States live without a father at home.
This absence correlates with higher rates of behavioral problems and depression
among boys.
In such cases, the mother bears a double burden, becoming the only
consistent parental model. Her role, therefore, is to fill this void by finding
positive male role models for her son, such as an uncle, teacher, or community
mentor, so he can witness a living example of balanced masculinity.
Imbalance in Parenting Style
A wise mother understands that parenting is neither about absolute
indulgence nor constant restriction, it is about balance between firmness and
mercy, freedom and supervision.
If she sees signs of weakness or hesitation in her son, she does
not mock him but guides him toward patience and perseverance. If she observes
laziness or self-indulgence, she strengthens his resolve with kindness and
wisdom.
Thus, the mother stands as the first manufacturer of manhood in her
home. She does not merely raise a son — she nurtures a man with purpose.
She refines and directs, planting in him from his earliest years
that being a man means responsibility, giving, and submission to Allah above
all else.
For Further Reading:
- Masculine Woman
- Family Laws in the Quran (1): And the Male is Not Like the Female
- Brutality in Post-Family Era!
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