6 Keys to Balanced Parenting in the Modern Era

There's no doubt that raising children should be a primary focus for both parents. This focus is even more crucial in today's digital age than ever before. Children and families face numerous, increasing, and complex challenges. So, how can we raise children to be both resilient and flexible? And how can we ensure they are socially and morally upright amidst life's pressures and modern challenges? The Holy Quran and the Prophet's Sunnah provide the solution to this difficult equation.

Here are 6 fundamental principles that must be observed to achieve this challenging equation: balanced parenting that considers the modern age without contradicting Islamic principles.

1. Emotional Containment

The Great Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said: "He is not of us who does not have mercy on our young ones..." (Tirmidhi). Among its many meanings, mercy (Rahma) includes emotional containment, which means understanding and accommodating a child's emotional needs, and then interacting with them in a way that fulfills their need for love and affection, while also teaching them firmness in what is right.

There is no doubt that child abuse, especially emotional abuse, is rejected and condemned in Islam. Islam encourages children to express their opinions freely, which helps build their self-confidence. This is also supported and advocated by educational experts.

2. Respecting Individual Differences and Avoiding Comparisons

Allah Almighty says in the Holy Quran: "And We have raised some of them above others in degrees..." (Al-Zukhruf: 32). This means that Allah created human beings with inherent differences. Therefore, these differences must be respected.

Neither the father nor the mother should compare their child to their siblings or peers in a demeaning way, as this can cause psychological pain and potentially create deep, unhealing psychological wounds.

Furthermore, parents should not impose extreme expectations that children cannot meet, as this can make them feel helpless and weak if they fail to achieve these goals. Instead, parents should celebrate their child's talents and skills and not belittle their dreams and interests. This boosts self-confidence and motivates them to work and produce.

3. Fostering a Sense of Security Within the Family

A child should not feel fear, loneliness, or alienation within the family. They must feel completely safe, as a secure family environment is the strong foundation for a child's balanced development.

The Prophet, peace be upon him, said: "The best among you is the best to his family" (Tirmidhi). Goodness is only achieved through expert and scientific work for the sake of raising children with mercy and balance. Therefore, the Holy Quran emphasizes the importance of love, mercy, and tranquility in family relationships.

Shared acts of worship and spiritual practices are among the pillars upon which security is built and which foster the love that nourishes stability and continuity within the family.

4. Making Continuous Learning a Core Goal

The Quran and Sunnah provide the fundamental principles for a dignified life disciplined by Sharia. Therefore, education must provide the ability to adapt to modern challenges such as social media and others.

Thus, families must teach children to have conscious responses to these challenges. The Prophet, peace be upon him, said: "All of you are shepherds, and all of you are responsible for your flock" (Bukhari).

5. Empowering Children to Express Themselves Freely

Islam does not endorse tyranny; it has affirmed and practiced Shura (consultation) since its state was founded. Allah Almighty commanded His Prophet, peace be upon him, to consult with Muslims: "...and consult them in the matter..." (Al-Imran: 159). It is known that the Prophet, peace be upon him, used to engage in dialogue with his companions and sometimes adopted their opinions. Dialogue and discussion enhance mutual respect, critical thinking, and emotional intelligence.

6. Avoiding the Imposition of Parental Opinions

A common mistake in parenting is when parents try to make their children achieve the dreams that the parents themselves failed to achieve. This is a form of coercion that Islam rejects. Even religion itself should not be imposed: "There shall be no compulsion in [acceptance of] the religion." Therefore, parents must encourage their children's independence within agreed-upon safe boundaries and guidelines.

Parents must differentiate between guiding their children and controlling their choices. They should create a healthy environment where children feel safe and can freely express their hopes, pains, and doubts, as well as present their opinions and questions in a way they prefer, within the framework of mutual respect.

Balanced parenting within the framework and limits of Islam requires religious grounding from the Quran and Sunnah, as well as intelligence, experience, and insight into the modern world and contemporary parenting methods.

Islam, with its Quran and the Sunnah of its Prophet, peace be upon him, remains the eternal reference for Muslim parenting. The Prophet's life, with his kindness, wisdom, and forbearance, remains our role model and the role model for our children, as long as the heavens and earth endure. Our children will always be a trust upon us; we must emotionally contain them, respect their differences and individuality, enhance their safety and security, encourage their independence, and avoid suppressing them or restricting their freedom.