Dear Brother Yahya, Peace be upon you,

I am writing to share with you the story of a lifelong friend who has faced significant challenges. We have been close since childhood, growing up in the same neighborhood and attending school together. While I married my cousin and settled down early, my friend, who remained single, decided to emigrate first. After enduring a period of severe hardship, he was fortunate to find a suitable job by the grace of ALLAH. He then helped me immensely by securing a job opportunity for me at his company and arranging accommodation nearby for my family and me.

Although my friend continued to pray diligently, I noticed that a woman in his department was interacting with him in a way that transgressed Islamic Sharia principles. I found it the duty of the fraternity among us to draw his attention to the seriousness of this, especially since in general his behavior was marred by some non-compliance with Sharia. My friend explained that these are their habits, and we have to keep up with them and reassured me that it is nothing more than business relationships. After about two months, I was surprised by him asking me to meet in the evening to discuss an important matter, and I was shocked as he initiated me:

• My relationship with Margaret had developed, but I made it clear to her that we couldn’t have any relationship without a marriage contract. She then offered to marry me, and I agreed!
• But she is not Muslim!
• Yes, she is a Christian, and as you know, it is permitted for us to marry People of the Book. Islam allows and accepts this in principle. She also promised me that she would convert to Islam!
• But its culture and its upbringing and its habits and its values and,…
• Don’t warry my dearest brother, I'll full care about that.
• Why do you take a risk?
• As You know, I looked for a Muslim girl, and spoke to the sheikh of the Masjid who apologized for not knowing the brothers who have daughters of marriageable age! Also, the girl that your wife nominated for me, her parents exaggerated their material requests! Honestly, I became afraid of myself! And to be honest, I loved Margaret!

I congratulated him and wished him well. My friend got married! About two months later, Margaret converted to Islam, and I didn't notice any change in her dress or behavior. So, we are no longer eager to meet with them on a regular basis.

The problems between them began due to the nature and lifestyle that each of them lived. Margaret, like most young people here, became independent of her mother after sixteen, does not know who her father is! and does not know the meaning of family. My friend tried to live the traditional oriental family style! It is as if he were the master - who has nothing to do with religion -. He told her that Islam gives the (AlQawama) guardianship to the husband and his wife must obey him, and he has the right to beat her! If she doesn’t obey him.

Additionally, my friend stopped praying at the masjid and gradually distanced himself from the company of his Muslim brothers. Instead of drawing Margaret into the Muslim community, he was drawn into hers. My wife and I intervened several times to reconcile their differences. I urged my friend to treat her gently and kindly, especially since she was pregnant with twins.

Life between them continued as a tug of war. Their differences escalated to the point where she called the police and accused him of attempting to rape her. He was detained for several days. My wife and I intervened until she dropped the accusation, on the condition that they each live in separate rooms. My friend agreed, and I advised him to treat her kindly, especially since she would be the mother of his children. Unfortunately, the experience of detention had a negative impact on my friend, making him fearful.

They were blessed with twins, Muhammad and Rachel (yes, don’t amaze), because they agreed that each would name one of their children. However, she stopped praying and return back drinking alcohol.

A year later, she told him that she had decided to move in with a friend and was willing to give him custody of the children in exchange for spending one day with them each week. My friend accepted this arrangement because the divorce process takes at least three years, and the children would be with her. Despite her dropping the rape accusation, it remains on his record, giving her the power to prevent him from seeing the children. Additionally, she is entitled to at least half of his salary, and after the divorce ruling, she would receive half of his wealth.

The disaster is that every week, the children spend a day at her house, where she lives with her boyfriend. At the beginning of his crisis, we hosted the children, but I eventually had to apologize for not being able to sustain this arrangement. He had to take time off work to care for the children, relying on social assistance and his savings to support them. He rarely attends the masjid, but when he met me there once, he confided that he was being treated for chronic depression and asked me for advice. I promised to write to you, hoping we could find a solution for him.

Problem’s Analysis:

• Marriage to People of the Book:
• Allah Almighty says: "لَّقَدۡ كَفَرَ ٱلَّذِینَ قَالُوۤا۟ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ هُوَ ٱلۡمَسِیحُ ٱبۡنُ مَرۡیَمَۚ.."المائدة (17)،," They have indeed disbelieved who say, 'Surely, Allah is none but the Messiah, son of Mary", (Al-Ma'idah 5:17). Therefore, the woman from the People of the Book whom a Muslim is permitted to marry is one who bears witness that Jesus is the servant and messenger of Allah. Otherwise, she is a disbeliever, and it is forbidden to marry her.
• In most of all over the world except the Islamic region, the concept of the family which means a legal/sharia life between a man/husband and a woman/wife has been destroyed. In this this emotional stable home the children grow through healthy psychology environment which provide them with educational Incubator. The sexual pornography begins in the primary stage and the child learns that the family may be between the same sex, and usually the children leave the house at sixteen and become independent with his life, whatever it is, so why marriage, family and commitment? This upbringing affects the values and psychology of the Western man, obliterating his instinct, unless ALLAH guides him to Islam and shakes off the dust and decadence of the swamp of vice in which he was.

Therefore, we often see new Muslims crying with a burning that only those who have tasted guidance after delusion may know about.

Therefore, it is common to see new Muslims crying with a profound intensity that only those who have experienced the light of guidance after being lost in astray can truly understand.

• Yes, it is permissible to marry a woman from the People of the Book who acknowledges the oneness of Allah and the servanthood and prophethood of all prophets, may Allah’s peace be upon them. However, there is a significant difference between a woman raised in a family with both parents and one who was raised in the streets and does not know a father for her.
• Many Muslim women have reached the age of forty without being approached by a suitable husband. Therefore, marrying a woman from the People of the Book could contribute to the spinsterhood of Muslim women.
• The whole religion is one unit: worship, morals and transactions:

“0 ye who believe! follow not the footsteps of Satan, and whoso follows the footsteps of Satan should know that he surely enjoins immorality and manifest evil.” Al_Nour(21)

• The devil does not directly tempt a Muslim to commit major sins. Instead, it subtly encourages reducing their commitment, deluding them into thinking they are still pious and adhering to the essence of their faith. It convinces them that there is no harm in smiling at certain people or discussing personal matters with others, suggesting that such behavior is merely part of the nature of their work.

One step leads to another, eventually becoming habitual, until one becomes accustomed to evil. The danger lies not only in this deviation but also in the negative image it projects to non-Muslims about Islam and Muslims. The true catastrophe occurs when someone performs acts of worship while lacking moral integrity, thereby distorting the perception of Islam in Western society. Is this behavior truly permissible in Islam, or does it stem from a lack of firm belief among Muslims, causing them to act in ways that contradict their faith?

Underestimating the importance of complying with the rules of Sharia has contributed to your friend's current suffering.

Underestimating compliance with the rules of Sharia has reminded your friend of this misery he suffers.

• The responsibility and honesty of marriage to the People of the Book and the new Muslim women: Faith is what is revered in the heart and the sincerity of action, any person becomes a Muslim by pronouncing the shahada, which is the result of the certainty of the oneness of the Allah of the Creator and the slavery of his messengers and their messages, and then begins to learn what is known from religion necessarily of worship and behavioral controls. 

• Certainly! When a Muslim marries a non-Muslim (Ahl al-Kitab) or a recent Muslim convert, they bear a significant responsibility. They must exemplify their commitment to religious practices, character, and interactions, serving as a role model. It is crucial to demonstrate good manners, as the most impactful aspect for the spouse will be the behavior of their Muslim partner, both in their relationship and in other areas of life. Unfortunately, many challenges arise when a Muslim woman, after embracing Islam, faces difficulties due to her husband’s behavior, revealing his lack of good manner.
• Allah knows best about the hearts of people, but it is evident that this husband did not make his best effort to support his wife in becoming familiar with Islam, allowing it to firmly root in her beliefs and influence her behavior.
• Your friend was a bad model for a Muslim, whether in his worship or in his moral with his wife who the new Muslim, so he did not understand the meaning of guardianship “Qawama”or the wife's obedience to her husband and her requirements and conditions, which made his wife to alienate from him and Islam - if she had really converted to Islam.

Children:

• We usually recommend newlyweds to wait and postpone pregnancy for about a year until each of them gets to know his partner in their new married life, and he has been reassured and settled with his husband because no matter how much he evaluated and studied each other during the pre-marriage period, he will discover something new after marriage. Unfortunately, disagreement may occur or what was hidden may be revealed and separated, and the divorced woman returns pregnant to the family home and gives birth to a child deprived of the warmth of her parents.
• Despite his failure to pay attention to his wife's Islam, and to present a repulsive model and his inability to attract his wife to the Islamic moral system, which caused disputes, pregnancy was not postponed!

Recommendations:

First: Especially for the husband (your friend):

How can this Muslim husband accept that his wife lives with another? Therefore, she must be divorced immediately by Sharia, and then the procedures for her divorce must be taken in accordance with the law, regardless of the material costs of this divorce. Searching in his country for a suitable wife to bring his cooperation in raising children and compensate them for the emptiness of their mother.

Second: General for the Muslim community in the diaspora:

Certainly! Here are some general guidelines for the Muslim community living abroad:

1. Marriage Considerations:
   • If you’re of marriageable age, don’t migrate without a spouse.
   • Marriage is an essential part of life, and it’s important to seek companionship.
2. The Role of the Masjed:
   • Masjids serve not only for prayer but also for building and nurturing the Muslim community.
   • It’s the responsibility of the imam and all Masjid attendees to contribute to community well-being.
3. Connecting Young Adults:
   • Elder members (both men and women) in each Masjids should organize educational and Islamic activities for young adults of marriageable age.
   • These activities create opportunities for them to learn, connect, and potentially find suitable partners.
4. Avoiding Mistakes:
   • One common mistake, especially in Canada, is simulating marriage practices from the country of origin.
   • This can make marriage difficult and financially straining for the husband.
   • We should follow the Prophet’s example of facilitating and simplifying marriage, considering the challenges our youth face.

Sources:

1. Islamic marital jurisprudence - Wikipedia
2. First wife’s consent for second marriage - IslamQA
3. Wife’s rights to ownership of property after divorce - IslamQA

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