I mediated for a young man to marry a girl from a respectable family of good character. The young man comes from a real family and enjoys a prominent social position. But after months of waiting, I was astonished that they refused the offer without meeting or knowing the young man, or listening to him, or even inquiring about him.
I was baffled, astonished, and many question marks swirled in my mind. We live in a society that complains about the late age of marriage and the high rates of spinsterhood, but the bride's family dispelled my confusion by referring the decision to refuse to the phenomenon of "gamophobia".
Gamophobia means “fear of marriage” and avoiding it in any way. It is a psychological disorder that may have begun to become common among girls in a number of Arab societies, amid calls to refrain from marriage, adhere to independence, and get rid of dependence on men.
It seems that feminist currents and movements of the so-called “women’s liberation” and “women’s rights” have succeeded to some extent in threatening the sanctity of marriage, and thus placing it in a place of controversy, disgust, and disagreement.
I'm not exaggerating when I say that the media's constant provocation against males and the promotion of feelings of equality between men and women have left a bad impression on the new generation about marriage, its responsibilities, and its obligations.
Yes, there are psychological reasons behind “gamophobia”, including various types of depression, lack of self-confidence, parental divorce in childhood, mistreatment of one or both, being affected by a failed marriage experience, or being betrayed by a partner.
The circle of reasons for the fear of marriage expands to include attachment to parents, fear of moving away from them, psychological unpreparedness, lack of confidence in sexual ability, in addition to the hesitant personality often being afraid to take fateful steps in her life, such as the decision to marry.
But as a woman, I prefer other reasons imposed by the media and social networking sites on the mind and agenda of Arab and Muslim women. This put her in great danger, especially with the promotion of destructive ideas such as perversion, safe sex, celebration of divorce, spinsterhood, and giving women work preference over marriage.
Among these reasons is the desire not to bear responsibility, and to evade any rights and duties, especially with the portrayal of marriage as a social burden and a heavy illusion, in addition to the fear of bearing the responsibility of bearing and raising children and fulfilling the requirements and rights of the husband.
The matter may worsen for girls with the succession of waves of alleged liberation, and the flood of “social media”, which instils feelings of alienation from marriage in their minds. It is the flood of "social media" that sheds light on issues of murder, revenge, and betrayal between spouses as if there are no happy families that draw from the sea of affection, love, and halal sex.
There are women who are deceived by these campaigns, without awareness or realization of the value and goals of marriage, the importance of abstinence, the sublimity of affection and mercy, the greatness of motherhood, and the joy of children.
Allah, Blessed and Exalted be He, says, " And of His signs is that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you might reside with them, and has put kindness and mercy between you. Surely, there are signs in this for those who think." (Al-Rum: 21).
The most dangerous thing is that there are women who want to remain without responsibility, without duties. They just raise the slogan “I want to be free.” Her father’s house fulfils all her requirements and fulfils her desires and dreams without restrictions or censorship from anyone, influenced by the stars of art and the world of “bloggers”. The YouTuber and the Influencer.
The matter is serious, and “gamophobia” knocks hard on the doors of Arab and Muslim women, with the fabrication of illogical arguments and with a clear expansion of fabricated hate campaigns between women and men, similar to the “Women are not obligated” campaign, which sparked widespread uproar in the Egyptian street and on social media, last year.
Wisdom says: “The corruption of the matter is to hesitate.” Escaping or withdrawing does not solve the problem, but rather makes it exacerbate, and it is more appropriate for our girls to embark on chastity, not to refuse marriage or evade it, but to seek to form a happy Muslim family, which will be its main pillar, and at the same time, its way to seek the pleasure of Allah Almighty.
A woman can arrange her priorities, reconcile work and marriage, acquire knowledge and marry, or take one step ahead of another, but it is harmful to refrain from legal chastity, pure love, a good husband, and a Muslim home.
Healing from "gamophobia" begins with realizing the problem itself, being aware of its dangers, not giving in to its justifications, not generalizing, or being affected by failed experiences, but rather learning from them, thinking positively, enhancing self-confidence, and consulting specialists and scholars and doctors in that.
Muslim households must support their daughters and allow them to express and share all their inner sentiments. They must recognize their anxieties, if they exist, and deal with them sensibly and discreetly, clarifying and reminding them of the consequences of non-marriage, and charming love in its desire, grace, and value, as well as the greatness of motherhood and its recompense with Allah Almighty.
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