Ex-addicts live their lives on the edge. The shame, guilt and powerlessness can be overwhelming. Those who’ve successfully recovered worked hard to understand what led them to substance abuse, and how they can keep the addiction from invading their lives again. An ex-addict, 25, who asked to remain anonymous, told Kuwait Times about his story with addiction and how substance abuse was an intruder that encroached onto every aspect of his life.

He remembers the first time he smoked a drug-laced cigarette at the age of 12. “It’s just for fun,” his friend told him. “Hashish was the drug in the cigarette I smoked. My friend told me to smoke just for fun and said its effect is temporary and will vanish before I reached home. I tried it – it felt like an adventure; it gave me some sort of happiness,” the ex-addict said.

At the age of 15, he struggled with tough exams like his peers. “I saw my unintelligent friend studying and memorizing the curriculum while taking a pill. When I asked him about it, he said this pill increases his focus and calms his nerves in order to answer the exam questions smoothly, and gave me one. It was Tramadol 225, which we call ‘strawberry’. As my body size was different, I took a double dose, which is considered an overdose,” he recalled.

His addiction continued for “fun” only, but as time passed, the ex-addict fell deeper and deeper into the abyss, which set him on a dangerous path. “You do drugs to forget and put your troubles out of your mind, but when you come crashing down, it makes your entire situation worse,” he noted.

Teachers too

He claimed students are not the only ones who are involved in addiction, but teachers too. “I remember the day our teacher got a panic attack because of a drug he took a day before, whose effect was still continuing. The teacher would take drugs from student distributors in exchange for services he provided, such as high grades,” he alleged.

Addiction is something that can affect the human brain and behavior. When someone is addicted to drugs, they can’t resist the urge to use them, no matter how much harm the drugs may cause. The ex-addict told Kuwait Times that many reasons lead to addiction, which the society does not consider as serious.

“One of the reasons that led me deeper into addiction is mental issues. All addicts escape their reality of loneliness, trauma, depression, abuse or having no one there to care or listen. Even the support from family is missing. Some parents do not harm their children directly or deliberately, but because of their habits and how they were raised, they consider it the correct way to raise their children too,” he explained.

According to him, the methods used to raise children nowadays are not correct. “They do not allow us to express our feelings. Parents do not understand the emotions that even boys can go through. They do not understand our needs that need to be heard and they still cannot understand the need to heal from mental issues. Addicts escape reality in an unreal world through drugs. Even drugs sometimes make us feel insecure about ourselves and make us aggressive towards people we love, people who we want just a hug from,” he said.

At the age of 17, he started buying drugs with his own money, and the quality and quantity he used increased over time. “Drugs are available everywhere. The price of a narcotic pill ranges between KD 1 to KD 50 depending on the quantity and type. If we could not have access to drugs we needed, we used to take a veterinary drug that is considered somewhat legal, similar to catnip,” he said.

“There was no direct communication with the dealer – we dealt with the distributors, who were all students. The students’ monthly income ranged from KD 1,000 to KD 10,000, and we always saw them driving the most luxurious cars despite their young age. The distributors dropped out of school because of their high income. Dealers even work from jail. You do not meet them in person – they leave the drug on the tyre of a car and send you the location of the car,” he told Kuwait Times.

Road to recovery

The ex-addict said his recovery began when he found a positive relationship. “Recovering from an addiction is difficult when it is done alone. It’s important to understand that addicts need their loved ones to stick to their sobriety plan. The best thing people can do for someone in recovery from an addiction is stand by their side during their ongoing journey,” he said.

“I found acceptance by a person, who understood my emotions, did not judge me and accepted the fact that I’m not a bad person because I am an addict. When I see people who do not accept me, it proves that I’m not worthy. The rejection breaks and destroys addicts and adds more insecurities to the list,” he explained.

He added addicts cannot survive withdrawal symptoms unless there is someone who supports them and stands by their side even during minor setbacks, and the treatment process needs baby steps. Even after recovery, an addict still struggles with the urge to return to addiction to escape reality. According to him, addiction is much cheaper than therapy. Also, government institutions are not trustworthy, and addicts are afraid of getting arrested. “Sadly, addicts also struggle with the social stigma that often surrounds addiction,” he rued.

Forcing addicts into treatment is futile. One has to voluntarily seek out treatment to have a better chance of recovery. The greatest problem of getting out of addiction is being addicted to something else, he said. “When a person gets out of addiction, he gets addicted to something else. No fewer than 70 percent of young people are addicted, whether to drugs, alcohol, a person or self-harm. Prices of drugs are affordable for children or adults, and it’s easy to buy, not necessary from a dealer, but also medical staff,” he added.

Addiction makes a person more social, while ex-addicts suffer from being introverted and cannot socialize with people as they did before. “The normal life I used to have as an addict is gone. New and even old things that used to help me overcome my problems and be happy have become meaningless. Life becomes a drag, even prayer and getting closer to God is cumbersome,” he said.

Recovered addicts often hesitate to tell their families and friends about their problems for fear of being criticized or abandoned. Ex-addicts told Kuwait Times their biggest fear is for their family to learn about their addiction. “I wasn’t afraid of dying of an overdose, but of being my family being ashamed if they know about my addiction. I only seek acceptance – I’m afraid my family could lose hope in me,” he indicated./KT