Building a Stronger Marriage Through Warm Greetings and Thoughtful Goodbyes
In this
article, we turn our attention to the doorways of the home: a small space, both
in time and place, that lasts no more than a few brief minutes, yet has a remarkable
influence on the entire architecture of the marital relationship.
This is
an exceptionally important interpersonal skill: welcoming and bidding farewell
graciously. Let us learn how to transform the threshold of our homes into a
starting point for renewed longing and a refuge from exhaustion and worries.
The First Five Minutes: The Barometer of
Married Life
Psychological
and social studies have shown that the first five minutes of a couple’s reunion
after an absence—whether after a day at work or a journey—set the tone for the
home throughout the following hours.
If the
reunion is cold or filled with complaints and immediate demands, hearts become
heavy and distance takes hold. But if it is warm and cheerful, hearts open up
and the worries of the outside world begin to fade.
A gentle
farewell in the morning leaves a positive emotional boost that accompanies one’s
spouse to work. Likewise, a warm welcome in the evening helps them forget the
toil and sweat of earning a living. It is the language of body, eyes, and words
that says: “Thank Allah for bringing you home safely. The house was dark until
you arrived.”
A Fragrant Memory from History: Lady
Khadijah’s Unique Example
When we
explore the pages of the Prophetic biography, we find a remarkable example of
the purity and beauty of welcoming one’s spouse in the home of Lady Khadijah
(may Allah be pleased with her), even before the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings
be upon him) received his first revelation.
According
to a narration reported by Abu Talib’s female servant, whenever Lady Khadijah
sensed that her husband, Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him), was
approaching, she would not wait for him in her private chamber. Rather, she
would hurry to welcome him at the door, adorned with a cheerful expression. She
would take his noble hand and place it against her chest, as though embracing
his heart and comforting his weariness. Then, in a voice overflowing with love,
she would say: “Welcome, my beloved Muhammad!”
This
thoughtful and tender welcome built an immense reserve of loyalty in the
Prophet’s heart. She became his refuge
when the revelation first descended upon him and he returned in fear. It was
then that she uttered her timeless words: “By
Allah, Allah would never humiliate you.”
A warm
welcome is what builds emotional resilience in a man’s heart, helping protect
him against the temptations and trials of the outside world.
Practical Steps to Make Your Home a Place of
Love and Warmth
1. When Leaving (Bidding Farewell):
Neither
husband nor wife should leave while the other is asleep or occupied. Instead,
the departing spouse should offer a smile, a prayer for success, and a kiss on
the forehead. The wife should bid her husband farewell with words wishing him
lawful provision and safety.
2. When Returning (Welcoming Each Other):
It is
recommended that the husband begin by using the siwak “tooth-stick”, as the
Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) used to do, so that his breath is
pleasant. He should greet his wife warmly and cheerfully. The wife, in turn,
should put aside whatever she is doing for a few moments and welcome him with a
smiling face and kind words. Any discussions about problems or requests should
be postponed until he has had enough time to rest.
Make the
doors of your homes places where you renew your commitment to one another. Let
the kindness of your reunion and the sweetness of your farewell wash away the
hardships of the road.
However,
for this welcome to be genuine and spring from the depths of the heart, rather
than becoming a hollow performance, it needs a deep inner psychological
foundation. It requires a virtue that breaks down the ego’s pride and enables a
person to see themselves as serving and loving their spouse without superiority
or arrogance. It is a virtue that dissolves barriers and makes interaction
between spouses exceptionally smooth and effortless.
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