Many parents complain that their child does not take responsibility, is disorganized, and dislikes order and planning. This affects their social behavior, reduces their self-efficiency, and may make them an undesirable person in the future.
This issue often arises from early childhood and persists into adolescence, at which point correction becomes more difficult. If left unaddressed, it can develop into a pattern of disorder and chaos, affecting the entire family.
Addressing this issue should begin at an early age, with caution against excessive spoiling, especially in cases where the child is the youngest in the family, born after a long wait, or raised in a highly privileged environment.
Drawing from life experiences, educational theories, and family experts' advice, here is a practical guide to instilling responsibility in children, fostering independence, and preparing them to be valuable members of society.
- Assigning Daily Tasks
A simple but crucial daily task is for the child to organize their own space—making their bed, arranging their clothes and toys—according to their capability. Mothers should initially assist and guide them until these habits become natural. This teaches self-reliance and the importance of taking care of oneself rather than depending on others.
A study involving nearly 10,000 elementary school children, published in the Journal of Developmental & Behavioral Pediatrics, found that those assigned household tasks in kindergarten displayed clear advantages and self-development by third grade.
This aligns with research from La Trobe University in Australia, which highlights that involving young children in household chores enhances problem-solving skills, academic performance, family cooperation and decreases tension within the house.
Similarly, a Harvard University study concluded that children who perform chores grow into more successful adults, having developed work ethics and essential life skills such as planning, organization and prioritizing.
- Teaching Personal Hygiene
Children should learn to bathe independently under family supervision, ensuring they understand basic hygiene principles. Some families postpone this step for years, mistakenly believing that the child is too young to manage bathe alone. However, delaying this responsibility may lead to over-dependence, even into adolescence.
In contrast, allowing children to handle their own hygiene boosts their independence and self-responsibility. Julie Lythcott-Haims, former Dean of Freshmen at Stanford University, emphasizes that early engagement in household tasks fosters professional success in adulthood. Similarly, educational researcher Marty Rossmann notes that children who start taking responsibility at ages three or four are more successful in their twenties, according to Al-Jazeera.
- Encouraging Participation in Household Activities
Avoid repeatedly telling your child that they are too young to help. Instead, involve them in small tasks—cleaning the car, assisting with minor home repairs under supervision, or taking care of a pet. Let them feel like an essential helper at home.
Expressing trust in their abilities reinforces their confidence and willingness to contribute. Simple tasks such as making tea for a parent, folding laundry, or helping prepare a meal may seem minor to adults but are significant to a child. These activities cultivate a sense of responsibility and a desire to assist others.
- Instilling Religious Discipline
Encouraging children to perform wudu’ and pray at a young age without harsh reprimands fosters discipline. Rather than forcing them, it is more effective to create a love for prayer, so they naturally respond to the call to prayer, stand in orderly rows behind the imam, maintain cleanliness in the mosque, and listen attentively to the Quran and religious lessons.
This exposure helps instill numerous values and familiarizes them with being in the company of adults. Abdullah ibn Umar, at the age of 11, attended gatherings of senior companions. As he grew, he became one of the leading scholars of Islam.
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