Consultations
How to Enjoy Raising Our Children? (4) Educational Environment in Parenting
This is the fourth article in the
series “How to Enjoy Raising Our Children?”, where
we’ll discuss:
The Educational Environment (A)
The educational environment means the religious, cultural, and value-based
characteristics that influence the upbringing of children, as well as the
psychological surroundings they interact with. The Prophet (peace be upon him)
said: “Every child is born with a true faith of
Islam (i.e. to worship none but Allah Alone) and his parents convert him to
Judaism or Christianity or Magianism.” (Narrated
by Abu Hurairah, reported by Al-Bukhari 1385, and Muslim 2658) The educational
environment plays the greatest role in shaping a child’s concept of the
Creator, Allah Almighty, as well as in shaping his culture and the way he deals
with life, the outcome of which is his system of values that governs his
conduct in life.
The educational environment
consists of the family, the mosque, the school, and the media, with the family
as the primary incubator of upbringing.
Elements of the Educational Environment
First: The Family
The fundamental nurturing
incubator:
·
The Effect of the Marital Relationship on Children:
The zero step and essential
requirement for upbringing is a sound marital relationship characterized by affection and mercy. This
provides children with an environment of psychological security, confidence in
support and care, and a framework that suits each child’s personal needs and
his psychological and cognitive development.
When the child feels that his
parents fulfill his emotional needs of love, tenderness, and appreciation
through harmony in their relationship, he perceives them as a unified entity, each
providing for his material and emotional needs according to their role as
mother or father, yet in harmony, complementing one another. Each parent thus
becomes a living model, without instruction, teaching the child how to respect,
appreciate, and love his mother and father through the way they treat each
other.
The parents represent the primary
source and flowing spring of values. And we stress that values are imbibed, not
force-fed. What a difference there is between a child raised by parents who
converse and even disagree with kindness, then learns that kind speech is part
of the religion, that Allah commanded His servants: “And
tell My servants to say that which is best. Indeed, Satan induces [dissension]
among them. Indeed Satan is ever, to mankind, a clear enemy.” (Al-Isra 17:53) and
a child raised by parents who trade insults, passing bad behaviors onto him,
and then learns that Allah commanded: “O you who
have believed, let not a people ridicule [another] people; perhaps they may be
better than them; nor let women ridicule [other] women; perhaps they may be
better than them. And do not insult one another and do not call each other by
[offensive] nicknames. Wretched is the name of disobedience after [one's]
faith. And whoever does not repent - then it is those who are the wrongdoers.”
(Al-Hujurat 49:11) He then struggles to obey Allah’s commands and avoid
His prohibitions, and his bad upbringing may overcome him. How many do we see
who have memorized the Noble Quran, yet their corrupt educational environment
overpowers them!
Disputes between parents
conducted in an un-Islamic manner cause them to fall in the eyes of their
children, who then hear each parent describing the other disdainfully. If the
father accuses the mother of lying, and she accuses him of being ill-mannered,
then each has destroyed the mental image of the other in the minds of their
children. Their educational role is gone for good, and even worse, their
negative role continues to affect the children.
On the other hand, managing
marital disagreements according to Sharia raises the value of both parents in
the eyes of their children, strengthens their educational role, and opens
channels of receptivity within the children, planting values as behavior even
before they grasp that these are religious obligations.
It must also be emphasized that
the relationship of the parents has the greatest impact on children at younger
ages. Studies have shown that even the fetus is
influenced not only by the mother’s psychological state but also by the
psychological environment in which she lives. The way the father speaks to the
mother and the nature of conversations around her affect the fetus. For more
than three decades, research has pointed to a new branch of psychology, fetal
psychology, showing how the fetus is influenced by the psychological
environment of the mother, with her relationship to her husband being the most
influential factor.
Modern psychological studies
unanimously affirm that a cohesive and harmonious family provides a safe
psychological environment for children, while repeated conflicts between
parents or divorce increase the risks of psychological and behavioral disorders
in children.
1.
The Impact of the Parental Role in Upbringing
- Cooperation in upbringing:
Upbringing is one of the most important duties of the parents, but it
cannot be fulfilled except through a good relationship and understanding between them.
This facilitates coordination in educational methods and provides children
with a consistent and clear environment for interaction.
- Behavioral role model:
When the child sees respect and understanding between his parents, he
learns how to interact with others in a mature manner.
- Preoccupation with conflicts: In
cases of ongoing tension, parents become preoccupied with disputes and may
neglect the child’s psychological and educational needs.
- Contradictory guidance: A
strained relationship may lead to differences in educational views, which
confuses the child and weakens the effect of guidance.
2.
The Effect of the Parents on the Psyche of the Children
A. Psychological and behavioral consequences:
Children who grow up in families
with conflicts or who experience parental divorce face higher rates of:
- Anxiety, depression, and stress:
Ongoing disputes or a toxic relationship between parents may cause the
child to feel anxious, showing symptoms such as withdrawal or aggression.
- Aggressive behavior, rebellion, or
psychological withdrawal: A natural reaction to
protect oneself. Children who live in a tense family atmosphere lacking
psychological security often defend themselves through aggression,
rebellion, or withdrawal due to emotional emptiness and weakness, making
them vulnerable to bullying or
psychological and physical abuse by others.
- Academic difficulties:
Psychological state directly affects children’s ability to succeed
academically. Many studies indicate that the level of psychological
stability of children is more influential than their intellectual
abilities.
- Inclination toward addiction:
Research indicates that divorce and family conflict may double the
likelihood of children falling into addiction.
- Attachment and emotional regulation: A
tense parental relationship weakens the child’s sense of psychological
security. A child raised in a stable environment learns how to trust
others and express emotions freely, while a child who lives amid constant
conflict becomes more anxious and internally on guard, struggling even to
recognize himself and regulate his emotions.
- Child’s psychological interpretation:
Some children imagine themselves to be the cause of their parents’
conflict, leading to low self-esteem, guilt, or shame. Research confirms
that the child’s interpretation of parental conflict is the most
influential factor on his psychological state, even more than the parents’
own assessment of the conflict. Children may also feel compelled to take
sides, resulting in emotional closeness to one parent over the other,
which affects their self-confidence.
- Contradictory guidance: A
strained relationship leads to differing parental instructions, confusing
the child and weakening guidance.
- Behavioral role model:
When the child sees respect and understanding between his parents, he
learns how to deal with others maturely.
- Identity formation:
Children learn by observation. A healthy parental relationship helps them
form positive concepts of love, respect, and communication.
B. How does the child view his parents?
Children form an internal image
of their parents, known in psychology as “mental models.” If a child grows up
in an environment filled with compassion and mercy, he views his parents as a
source of security and support. But if he lives in an environment charged with
conflicts, he may view them as a source of danger or threat.
C.
The
effect of the parental relationship on the child’s future role as a parent:
Studies show that parents’
methods of raising their children often transfer to the next generation. A
child raised in a harsh environment or full of conflicts may repeat the same
methods with his own children when he grows up, unless he receives guidance or
psychological therapy.
D. Educational inheritance:
Research indicates that about 15%
of parenting styles are directly transmitted from parents to children.
You Can Also Read:
- Book Review: “How to Make Your Child Happy?” By Wafaa Saadawi
- Islamic Path to Emotional Well-being
- A Key to Family Harmony
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