10 Common Mistakes That Destroy Marriages
There are numerous psychological, social, and economic reasons that threaten marital relationships with failure and separation, eventually leading to divorce—and possibly even to the courts—with escalating disputes over maintenance, custody, and the upbringing of children. These reasons vary from one society to another and may differ and multiply, depending on each case’s circumstances. Often, more than one factor contributes to the collapse of marriage.
The following lines
summarize the 10 most prominent and dangerous causes behind the widespread
of divorce:
First: The absence of a religious foundation in the marital
relationship, and the couple’s distance from obedience to Allah, along with the
weakening of faith between them, make the home a fertile ground for quarrels
and conflict. Moreover, the neglect of the Prophet’s ﷺ teachings
during times of anger, such as showing forgiveness, pardoning, and controlling
one’s rage, among other noble traits, results in the failure to save the
marriage from rapid collapse.
Second: The loss of affection and mercy between spouses.
Allah says, “And of His signs is that He created
for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He
placed between you affection and mercy.” (Ar-Rum: 21) Ibn Kathir said:
“Affection is love, and mercy is compassion. A man keeps his wife either out of
love for her or out of compassion for her, such as when she bears his child.”
Third: Continuous neglect by one or both parties in
fulfilling their duties towards one another. The Prophet ﷺ said: “Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible
for his flock. The imam who is over the people is a shepherd and is responsible
for his flock; a man is a shepherd in charge of the inhabitants of his
household and he is responsible for his flock; a woman is a shepherdess in
charge of her husband’s house and children and she is responsible for them; and
a man’s slave is a shepherd in charge of his master’s property and he is
responsible for it. So each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible
for his flock.” (Agreed upon)
When one spouse feels
that the other is not putting in the effort to make the relationship succeed,
it generates feelings of frustration and lack of appreciation, according to Psych
Central.
4 Steps to Prevent Marital Conflicts from Escalating
Fourth: Making comparisons with others is a hidden doorway to
household ruin and family breakdown. For example, when a woman says to her
husband: “Why don’t you do like so-and-so?” or “Why can’t we buy this and that
like so-and-so?” Or when a man compares his wife to celebrities, he begins to
feel dissatisfied with her, leading to aversion, resentment, and ultimately,
divorce.
Fifth: The growing role of social media in increasing
divorce rates. This is due to one partner becoming absorbed in their phone and
social media, neglecting their spouse and household responsibilities. It can
even lead to illicit relationships outside marriage.
Sixth: Excessive jealousy, especially from the wife, can
create an atmosphere of suspicion. This might escalate to spying on the husband
or wife, tracking their calls, which increases psychological pressure on the
person being monitored. This causes a loss of trust and may push them to
withdraw from the relationship, according to Psychology Today.
Seventh: Physical violence is one of the causes of divorce.
For example, a husband may excessively beat or verbally abuse his wife. Some
men mistakenly believe that respecting or valuing their wives in front of
others diminishes their manhood, so they resort to insulting and humiliating
them repeatedly. The Prophet ﷺ said: “He who believes in Allah
and the last Day should not harm his neighbor; and take my advice regarding
good treatment of women, for they were created from a rib. And indeed the most
crooked part of the rib is its upper part. If you attempt to straighten it, you
will break it, and if you leave it alone it will remain crooked. So, take my
advice regarding good treatment of women.” (Narrated by al-Bukhari)
Eighth: Financial disputes, extravagance, overspending, and
debt accumulation are all causes of divorce. Experts recommend setting a fixed
monthly budget, adhering to it, seeking financial advice when needed, and
avoiding burdening the husband with unnecessary luxuries.
Marriage Without Excess: Love, Simplicity, and
Contentment
Ninth: Unnecessary interference from in-laws and the
revealing of marital secrets, as well as allowing family or friends to
intervene in resolving problems without the necessary experience. This only
worsens and inflames the issues. The wise approach is to carefully choose
people of wisdom and righteousness. Allah says, “If
they both desire reconciliation, Allah will cause it between them.” (An-Nisa: 35)
Ibn Abbas said: This refers to the two arbitrators; if they sincerely
intend to reconcile, Allah will bring about harmony between them. If Allah
commands it and grants success, then the matter between the husband and wife
will be rectified. Thus, everything that follows is good. The root lies in the
intention, if it is sincere, the situation will improve and solutions will be
accepted.
Tenth: A significant factor in rising divorce rates is the
lack of proper preparation before marriage and not knowing the duties and
rights of each spouse. Some believe marriage is just a “honeymoon” without
realizing it comes with responsibilities, obligations, challenges, and mutual
rights that must be fulfilled.
Moral and Legal Aspects of Divorce
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