The Catastrophe of the Third Divorce in Islam
The dispute between the spouses intensified, the quarrel escalated, until the husband
uttered the words, “You are divorced,” and thus began the great fracture in the
walls of their marital life.
The
situation calmed down, and wise people intervened to reconcile them, so he took
her back. But conflict crept once again into their lives. Resentment and hatred
grew, and he divorced her a second time—then took her back again.
Less than
a month later, reason faltered and direction was lost. They forgot that a third
divorce would
end everything between them. But Satan prevailed over them. She provoked him
and challenged his manhood: “If you’re a real man, divorce me!” So he divorced
her a third and final time.
These are
the real events of a story before the writer of these lines—a painful tragedy
bearing witness to the collapse of a family consisting of two spouses and three
children, now struggling with displacement, confusion, and severe
psychological, social, and health crises.
A Family Tragedy After the Third Divorce
The
husband says to “Al-Mujtama”: “I never imagined my married life would end this
way. I’m regretful and disappointed after my wife became forbidden to me, and
now there is no solution before us!”
He
continues sorrowfully: “We could have continued together, but the last and
third divorce destroyed my life. We separated, and the children are lost
between us.”
He
regrets it daily. His balance is disturbed, his life shaken. His ex-wife
searches for a new marriage, and so does he. The children await their uncertain
fate: will they live with a stepmother or a stepfather?
The
children are confused, spending several days with each parent separately.
During that time, they absorb a toxic dose of hatred toward the other side. They
unspokenly blame and reproach each spouse who never paused to consider their
children’s interests—or the heavy price everyone would pay for three divorces.
The
conflict continues. Each side throws accusations at the other and denies
responsibility for what happened. But alas, it’s too late! There is no escape.
She has become forbidden to him, separated by a major irrevocable divorce, and
she will not be lawful for him again unless she marries another husband. Allah
the Exalted Says, {So if a husband divorces his
wife ˹three times˺, then it is not lawful for him to remarry her until after she has
married another man and then is divorced.} [Al-Baqarah 2:230]
Ali Ibn
Abi Talhah reported from Ibn Abbas: “If a man divorces his wife twice, let him
fear Allah regarding the third. Either retain her in kindness and treat her well, or release her with excellence without wronging her of any of her rights.”
The Catastrophic Impact of Divorce on
Children
“Children
of divorce” face catastrophic consequences due to severe post-divorce
conflict—disputes over parenting, financial support, education, and other
social and life arrangements—all within tensioned atmosphere. It is noteworthy
that 20% of all separations are characterized by severe conflict, according to Psychology
Today.
Negative
consequences continue to affect children
of divorced parents, who suffer a harsh blow that shakes their psychological
and social stability—and may impact their personal future. Children raised in
high-conflict households are more likely to experience troubled marriages and
future problems, according to an American study issued by the Pew Research
Center.
Family
relationship experts confirm that couples who initially attempt a peaceful and
healthy separation may later lose vision and control. In some cases, matters
escalate into fierce battles, with increasing reliance on litigation and family
courts.
Divorce
may seep from one generation to the next. Parental divorce can shape the life
path of their children. “Children of divorce” are statistically more vulnerable
to divorce than those from cohesive families, according to Nicholas Wolfinger,
sociologist at the University of Utah.
One Divorce Should Be a Warning Bell
None of
us possesses a button to halt the growing phenomenon of divorce in our
societies, nor a magic wand to undo the crime of “three divorces.” I call it a
crime because of its catastrophic consequences, immense harm, and the absence
of personal solutions once the matter slips beyond the control of both parties.
One
divorce is enough—let it be a warning bell for both spouses, a true signal that
a serious crisis is knocking at the door. It demands sober reflection on
consequences and outcomes, immediate efforts to repair damage, address faults,
engage in self-accountability, and seek specialized psychological and religious
counseling before falling into the second divorce.
And if
the second divorce occurs, let it be a second and final opportunity to save
what can be saved and prevent the massive harms resulting from a major
irrevocable separation—where the husband has no right to return his wife to his
marriage, neither during the waiting period nor through a new contract, unless
she marries another husband in a valid and lawful marriage. Allah Says, {Divorce may be retracted twice, then the husband must
retain ˹his wife˺ with
honour or separate ˹from her˺ with
grace.} [Al-Baqarah 2:229]
Many
cases of divorce today can be prevented. Only a small number truly require
final separation. Reconciliation after the first or second divorce is, in my
view, an urgent necessity before matters escalate and both parties reap
bitterness after the three divorces—especially when children are involved and
the possibility of restoring married life remains.
“Safe divorce,” a
program adopted in some Arab and Islamic societies, requires prioritizing the
interests of children and minimizing psychological, social, and familial
harm—transforming the first or second divorce into a real opportunity for
course correction.
From the
reality of a painful experience: let every husband and wife beware of the third
divorce. The losses are immense, the costs are heavy, and the consequences are
catastrophic.
For Further Reading:
- Islamic Wisdom for Troubled Marriages
- Book Review: “The Family as Desired by Islam” by Sheikh Yusuf Al-Qaradawi
- Marriage Collapse… When Divorce Becomes a Source of Pride!
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