Male Leadership and Responsibility in Maintaining Family Stability in Islam
Marriage
is a source of tranquility for the
soul, a safeguard for the body, and a means of nurturing the Islamic society
with righteous servants. The stability of marriage leads to the stability of
society.
Hence, Islam
has laid down principles and foundations that preserve the cohesion of marriage and make it
firm and resilient in the face of life’s trials and fluctuations. It has
clarified that the cornerstone upon which the family is built is the guardianship and responsibility (qiwamah) of the man
and his righteousness.
Although
the principle of qiwamah is a natural one—affirmed by Islamic Shari`a and
accepted by sound human nature—it has been severely distorted in our time. In
its place, an opposing concept has been promoted: absolute equality between men and women in all matters.
This has ignited many marital problems and led
to widespread conflicts rooted in the absence of true male qiwamah. Hence,
reformers are compelled to remind people of the concept of qiwamah and its
impact on the stability of the family and society.
Understanding Qiwamah in Islam
Allah
Almighty Says, {Men are the caretakers of women, as
men have been provisioned by Allah over women.} [An-Nisa’ 4:34]
Linguistically,
qiwamah refers to uprightness and balance. In Islamic terminology, it means
managing the affairs of the wife, disciplining her when necessary, and
protecting her by maintaining her within the household and not showing her off
to safeguard her dignity (Tafsir al-Qurtubi, 3/199).
The
essence of qiwamah revolves around the man establishing the interests of his
family, managing their affairs, and correcting any deviation that may arise in
the conduct of the wife or children. Qiwamah is the foundational pillar for
organizing healthy family relationships. It grants the man authority and guardianship over
those under his care—whether a wife, sister, daughter, and so on—and entrusts
him with responsibilities such as financial support and decision-making.
In turn, the
woman is obliged to respect this role, appreciate its value, and assist him
through obedience and good conduct. Thus, every family member understands their
role and boundaries, leading to family stability and the closure of doors to
conflict and discord.
The Pillars of Qiwamah: Responsibility Before Privilege
Qiwamah
was not granted to men arbitrarily. Rather, it is a responsibility before it is
an honor, contingent upon fulfilling its rights. It rests upon both acquired
and innate factors.
Acquired
factors include financial maintenance and
good companionship. Allah has Obligated the man to provide for his wife and
children from his wealth, regardless of whether the wife is rich or poor, as
Allah Says, {…as men have been provisioned by Allah
over women and tasked with supporting them financially.} [An-Nisa’ 4:34]
He is
also obligated to maintain good conduct, which requires gentleness, wisdom, and
kind treatment. In this lies the true excellence of a man. The Messenger of
Allah (peace
be upon him) said: “The
best of you is the best to his wives, and I am the best of you to my wives.” (Sahih At-Tirmidhi, 3895)
Innate
factors refer to the natural qualities Allah
has Instilled in men that prepare them for leadership and responsibility—such
as physical strength, firmness, rational judgment, and organizational ability.
These traits make men more suited to leadership, protection, and provision.
This does not diminish the status of women; rather,
it honors and protects them. Islam seeks to shield women from the harsh burdens
of life and assigns them roles aligned with their innate nature of compassion,
care, and nurturing, while assigning men responsibilities consistent with their
nature of strength and resolve.
The Impact of Qiwamah on Achieving Tranquility Between Spouses
Adhering
to the call of human nature and the commands of Islamic law regarding qiwamah
yields profound effects, including:
1. Understanding Purpose
and Establishing Security
Marriage
is founded upon tranquility, affection, and mercy. Allah Says, {And one of
His signs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves so that you
may find comfort in them. And He has placed between you compassion and mercy.} [Ar-Rum
30:21]
The soul
finds tranquility only when it feels secure and understands the purpose behind
its actions. When a husband understands and fulfills his role in qiwamah, and
when a wife understands her role as an emotional refuge for her husband and
children, hearts unite, souls find peace, and mutual trust and companionship
flourish. Their shared goal becomes building a righteous family pleasing to Allah.
2. Recognizing the Value of
Each Spouse
Clear
Quranic guidance on qiwamah enables each spouse to view
the other with respect and complementarity rather than rivalry. When a wife
understands her value, she realizes that her vulnerability is not a flaw but a
reason for her honor and protection. When a man understands his value, he
realizes that his strength needs the gentleness and femininity of his wife.
This mutual understanding increases affection and kindness and prevents
ego-driven conflicts that destroy many marriages today.
3. Obedience as an Act of
Worship
When the
husband realizes that his qiwamah is a divine command, and when the wife
realizes that her obedience is an act of worship,
their hearts find peace amid life’s fluctuations. Human nature is prone to
restlessness and avoidance of responsibility, and nothing stabilizes it except
sincere intention of worship. Through this, behavior is regulated and emotions
are refined in accordance with the will of Allah, leading to peaceful homes.
4. Avoiding Deceptive
Modern Narratives
One of
the most dangerous afflictions of our era is the influence of social media on
beliefs and values, particularly the deceptive narrative of absolute gender
equality. This narrative portrays women as lacking value unless they compete
with men in roles specific to them, ultimately rendering men unnecessary.
The
impact of this ideology on the hierarchical structure of the family is
disastrous. The wife becomes a rival to her husband rather than a complement, as though they were two men
rather than a man and a woman. The only safeguard against this deviation is
divine guidance, which clearly defines the distinct roles of each gender.
Qiwamah
is not a restriction upon women; rather, it is a protection of their dignity and femininity. At the same time, it is a heavy responsibility upon
men for which they will be held accountable before Allah. Whoever abandons the
guidance of the Creator to follow human whims loses his tranquility before
losing his family and compromising his faith and values.
A Message to Husbands and Wives
To the husband:
Know that qiwamah is not tyranny or domination over your wife. It is a trust
placed in your hands, and you will be questioned about it before Allah. Your qiwamah
is not measured by the volume of your voice, the number of your commands, or
the severity of your punishments, but by your justice, mercy, and
gentleness—and by your ability to be a source of security and support for your
wife and family. It is sufficient honor that you follow the example of the best
of creation (peace be upon him) in his excellence toward his family.
To the wife:
Remember that obedience to your husband is not humiliating submission as some
portray it, but an act of worship through which you elevate your rank with
Allah. Through your affection, patience, and mercy, you transform your home
into a garden of peace for yourself, your husband, and your children. The
Mothers of the Believers—especially Khadijah (may
Allah be pleased with her)—make the finest example for you to follow.
In
conclusion, qiwamah is both a natural disposition and a divine law, legislated
by the Creator who knows His creation and what benefits them. Allah Says, {How could He not know His Own creation? For He ˹alone˺ is the Most Subtle, All-Aware.} [Al-Mulk
67:14]
Whatever
Allah Ordains is wisdom and mercy. Whoever obeys Allah in His law, Allah will
set right his worldly affairs and his Hereafter.
You May Also Read:
- Book Review: “The Family as Desired by Islam” by Sheikh Yusuf Al-Qaradawi
- Women’s Role in Society and Family in Islam vs. the West
- Identity Struggle Between Islamic Principles and Modernist Currents
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