Friendship and Fairness
If you have a
friend whom you love and cherish, and then you discover in his character
something that, in your view, is blameworthy—something inconsistent with what
you have known of him and with the pattern of conduct you have always observed
in him—or if you have an enemy whose nature you condemn and whose behavior you
resent, and yet you suddenly glimpse in him a noble quality, and you speak of
both: reproaching your friend for the fault you have criticized and praising
your enemy for the virtue you have recognized—people will likely accuse you of
inconsistency, deceit, or hypocrisy. They will say that you praise today the
one you condemned yesterday, and condemn in one moment the one you praised in
another. They will claim that your outward words do not reflect your inward
convictions, and that you conceal what you truly believe.
Yet if they
were fair, they would admire you for your honesty. They would appreciate the
purity of a heart that is not led astray by personal bias or self-interest.
They would call what they see in you moderation rather than hypocrisy, and
fairness rather than deception. For you have not loved your friend with the
blind devotion that prevents a person from seeing his faults. Nor have you
regarded friendship as so fragile a bond that it excuses neglecting the moral
character of the one you befriend. Instead, you have taken care to examine his
conduct and reflect upon his qualities, seeking to correct what has become
corrupt and straighten what has gone astray.
The
Friend Who Never Criticizes
The friend who
smiles at you alike in your contentment and your anger, in your wisdom and your
folly, in your successes and your failures, is not one whose affection should
be envied or whose friendship should be fully trusted. Such a person cannot
serve as the mirror in which you see yourself clearly. He cannot reveal your
true nature to you, nor honestly show you your strengths and weaknesses, your
virtues and your flaws. Either he is a reckless fool, guided by his own
impulses and inclinations, seeing only what you wish to see rather than what
you ought to see; or he is a deceitful flatterer who knows that you prefer your
faults to pass unmentioned and unchallenged, and so he indulges your desires in
order to gain what he seeks from you.
Thus you see
how people often reverse judgments and invert realities, calling the truthful a
liar and the liar truthful. But people do not know.
Read Also:
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Your Companions Shapes Your Reputation!
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Book Review: “Friendship and Youth” by Dr. Ahmad Al-Majdoub
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Source: Al-Nazarat.
