6 Keys to a Happy Family in Islam
In a time
when life moves rapidly, souls drift apart within the same home, and families
fall apart, the greatest dream of every father and mother is that their house
remains a warm harbor to which
their children return, no matter how far they go or how distracting life
becomes.
The
matter is not about luxurious furniture, nor spacious rooms, nor modern
comforts. What truly matters are the souls inhabiting those walls—souls that
turn them into hearts beating with love. This is the spirit that creates a home
children feel drawn to, a home that does not repel its children with shouting,
criticism, noise, and harshness; a home that does not imprison them with fear,
but embraces them with love.
The
beauty of a home is not in the walls we build, but in the love and security we build within our children’s hearts. From here
arise the six keys to a home that draws children in.
Keys to a Happy and Safe House
1. A Happy Home Is Not
Perfect
A home
that attracts its children is not free from mistakes or disagreements. It
understands human nature, especially children, who make many mistakes due to
lack of experience and knowledge. There is no such thing as a perfect child who
never errs; all of them make mistakes, just as all humans do.
Dr. Maysa
Fadel, professor of educational psychology, says: “Parents must understand that
failure and frustration are part of growth, and mistakes offer an opportunity
to teach children what is right.” This is confirmed by the hadith of `Umar Ibn
Abi Salamah who said: “I was a boy under the
care of Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) and my hand used to go around the dish
while I was eating. So Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) said to me, ‘O
boy! Mention the Name of Allah and eat with your right hand, and eat of the
dish what is nearer to you.’ Since then I have applied those instructions when
eating.”
Here lies
an important educational lesson: when `Umar said, “Since
then I have applied those instructions when eating,” it shows that children’s mistakes are the gateway
to learning and understanding, and a tool for the educator to correct behavior.
When you
expect children never to err, you send them a harsh, unrealistic message about
life itself. You create a standard no one can reach. When parents expect
perfection, children only feel inadequate and incapable of meeting their
parents’ expectations.
2. A Happy Home Where Children Feel Safe
Safety is
a missing feeling for many children today. It is that sense that allows a child
to sleep peacefully, knowing that no one will hurt his feelings with a word or
wake him with unjust punishment. Safety is not created by steel locks, but by
emotional containment and positive behavior.
This is
what the Prophet (peace be upon him) practiced with children. Anas Ibn Malik
said: “I served the Messenger of Allah (peace be
upon him) for ten years, and, by Allah, he never said to me any harsh word, and
he never said to me about a thing as to why I had done that and as to why I had
not done that.”
3.
A Happy Home Where Children Feel Accepted
Dr.
Mustafa Abu As-Saad says: “Acceptance is a psychological need for a child.
Fulfilling it strengthens positive traits and protects him from many negative
behaviors produced by lacking a sense of acceptance.”
Therefore,
one of the most important strategies of an attractive home is that children
feel their parents’ love and
acceptance as they are—without pretending, without masks, not as the parents
wish them to be. Even if children display negative behavior, they remain
accepted, while their behavior is what is not accepted.
A crucial
point: we must separate the negative behavior from the child himself. Many
parents tie their love and acceptance to the child’s achievements or behavior, which
is a destructive mistake that harms their psychological well-being.
Thus, the
wise educator is the one who loves his children because they are his children,
not because of any other condition. The successful educator focuses on solving
the problem, not on magnifying it; on correcting behavior, not attacking the
child.
4. A Happy Home Where
Children Feel Valued
A wise
saying states: “Value your little one when he tries, for a growing bud is
nurtured with gentleness.”
In a home
children love, each person feels his humanity, worth, and dignity. No one is
humiliated or belittled. Everyone is placed in the position they deserve. The
Prophet (peace be upon him) honored children and
treated them with respect. For example, he gave kunyas to young boys. Anas (may
Allah be pleased with him) said: “The Prophet
(peace be upon him) used to mix with us
to the extent that he would say to a younger brother of mine, ‘O Aba `Umair!
What did the Nughair (a kind of bird) do?’”
He called
him with the most beautiful names out of respect and affection.
Children
desire recognition and being treated as important individuals. We should praise them when they act well, listen
when they speak, and reward them when they excel.
5. A Happy Home Is Filled
With Emotional Warmth
Souls
should not be left to shiver in emotional coldness and harshness. A home must
open windows of tenderness and doors of closeness and harmony. A kind word
revives a fading heart. A smile restores the child’s lost sense of safety. A
gentle touch brings life back to their spirit.
This is
what we witness in the Prophet’s treatment of children. Jabir Ibn Samurah (may
Allah be pleased with him) said: “I prayed the
first prayer along with God's messenger, then he went out to his family and I
went out with him. Some children met him and he began to stroke the cheeks of
one of them one after the other.” (Sahih
Muslim)
Multiple
studies show that emotional neglect
has a more damaging effect on mental health than
other forms of childhood abuse. It is linked to harmful physical,
psychological, and educational outcomes, as noted by Dr. Janna Zaabalawi, who
explained that it increases behavioral and emotional disorders and delays
cognitive and emotional development.
6. A Happy Home Is One
Built on Dialogue
Dialogue at home
is not an occasional event but a way of life. In a home that attracts children,
they do not fear admitting mistakes or hiding problems. They are used to being
heard before being judged, and having their ideas discussed without mockery.
Constructive
dialogue means attentive listening that makes the child feel seen and
understood. This is what the Prophet (peace be upon him) practiced with the
young man who asked for permission to commit adultery! The Prophet calmly and
wisely asked: “Would you like it for your
mother? For your sister?” Each
time, the young man answered: No!
Parents
must strive to make their homes attractive to their children, not places that
repel them. Dialogue, love, and emotional safety must have a wide space in the
home.
Know,
dear educator, that children do not remember the details of the rooms, nor the
arrangement of furniture, nor the taste of food.
They remember the kindness, the feelings, and the love they experienced within
those walls, memories that continue to illuminate their path through life.
When the
corners of our houses are lit with these six candles, the home becomes more
than a ceiling, furniture, and walls—it becomes a safe home where hearts grow
with affection, and souls rest in peace and security.
For Further Reading:
- 5 Tips for Bringing Joy to Children’s Lives
- Rights of Children Over Their Parents in Islam
- How Can we Raise Wise and Mature Children?
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