10 Ways to Help Those Struggling to Afford Marriage
There may be
wisdom behind young people’s delayed marriage that is known only to Allah,
Exalted is He. It may also be due to a person’s own shortcomings, or perhaps
because of a sin, and Allah knows best.
Remember well
that marriage is part of one’s provision, and what Allah has decreed for you
will come to you. Allah, Exalted is He, says: {There
is no moving creature on earth whose provision is not guaranteed by Allah.}
[Hud 11:6]
And He says: {And Allah’s command has been firmly decreed.} [Al-Ahzab 33:38]
We offer the
following advice to every young person whose marriage has been delayed, who has
encountered obstacles for one reason or another, or who lacks the financial
means and ability to marry:
First: Persist in supplication. Turn to Allah frequently and earnestly, asking Him to
grant you success and make lawful marriage easy for you. He, Exalted is He,
says: {When My servants ask you ˹O Prophet˺ about Me: I am truly near. I respond to
one’s prayer when they call upon Me.} [Al-Baqarah 2:186]
Second: Be realistic. Avoid setting
expectations and demands that exceed your current circumstances. Focus on
essential qualities such as faith, good character, knowledge, and other
meaningful qualities, rather than making physical appearance the primary
consideration. How many beautiful women, despite having poor character, have
ruined their husbands’ lives?
Third: Be flexible as part of being realistic. Do not allow details such as an age difference,
height, weight, or a modest difference in education or financial circumstances
to become obstacles when faith and good character are present.
Fourth: Prepare yourself psychologically and socially. Learn how to interact effectively with your spouse
and educate yourself about the principles of marriage, family responsibilities,
and the Islamic rulings related to marriage. This can be done through
appropriate educational, preparatory, and religious courses.
Fifth: Strive to earn a living. Work hard, persevere, seek lawful earnings, and put
in the necessary effort so that a young man can become capable of establishing
a home and supporting a family. The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him,
said: “Whoever
goes to bed exhausted from the work of his hands goes to bed forgiven.” (Al-Jami`
As-Saghir)
Sixth: Start saving for marriage, even if only small
amounts. Make an early financial plan and explore the
possibility of obtaining an interest free loan, receiving a grant from a
charitable organization, or borrowing money from a relative or friend, provided
that you commit to repaying it regularly over an agreed period.
Seventh: Look for affordable alternatives that can reduce the
cost of marriage. These may include living in the
family home, at least temporarily, accepting a modest home with only essential
furnishings, or participating in group wedding ceremonies.
Eighth: Keep the engagement period short. Agree with the bride’s family to be moderate and
avoid social competition and ostentation. Refrain from excessive banquets and
gifts. Allah, Exalted is He, says: {Surely the
wasteful are ˹like˺
brothers to the devils. And the Devil is ever ungrateful to his Lord.} [Al-Isra 17:27]
Ninth: Eliminate extravagant celebrations. Consider combining the engagement, marriage contract,
and wedding into a single family gathering. Avoid modern forms of extravagance,
such as spending enormous amounts on wedding venues, expensive beauty
treatments and photography, costly honeymoon resorts and hotels, and other
practices that have become widespread in our time.
Tenth: It is important to change the way society views
divorced and widowed women and to make marriage to them easier by removing the
social obstacles associated with it. We have an
excellent example in the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, who married
Lady Khadijah bint Khuwaylid, the Mother of the Believers, who was a widow and
had been married twice before the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him.
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