Allah, the Almighty, has legislated divorce despite His strong emphasis on preserving the institution of marriage through all available means—whether by resolving conflicts between spouses, involving relatives from both sides to seek reconciliation, or implementing gradual steps such as temporary separation in bed before referring the matter to external mediators.

However, despite these measures, Allah has prescribed divorce when no other solution remains—when it is the only way to prevent numerous human problems that could arise from continuing a failing marriage, such as deepening resentment between spouses, escalating conflicts, and the negative psychological impact on children who are forced to grow up in a hostile environment.

What we witness today in Arab and Muslim societies when divorce occurs—such as abandoning all values, morals, and ethics, failing to uphold kindness and respect for past companionship, and disregarding the presence of children between the former spouses—has no connection to Islam whatsoever. The Islamic Sharia, just as it established boundaries, laws, and principles for marriage, which it termed “a solemn covenant,” has likewise set ethical and moral standards for handling the painful process of separation.

Divorce in Allah’s Sharia

Allah says in the Quran, “O you who have believed, it is not lawful for you to inherit women by compulsion. And do not make difficulties for them in order to take [back] part of what you gave them unless they commit a clear immorality. And live with them in kindness. For if you dislike them—perhaps you dislike a thing and Allah makes therein much good. But if you want to replace one wife with another and you have given one of them a great amount [in gifts], do not take back from it anything. Would you take it in injustice and manifest sin? And how could you take it while you have gone in unto each other and they have taken from you a solemn covenant?” (An-Nisa: 19-21)

These noble ayahs clarify that life is not based solely on love but on mutual understanding, good companionship, shared responsibilities, common interests, and guardianship—factors that bind a man and a woman together beyond mere affection and attachment.

If all attempts at reconciliation and restoring family unity fail, then separation becomes inevitable—but it must be carried out with full justice, ensuring that the woman receives all her rights as decreed by Allah while remembering the solemn covenant they once shared. Allah says, “But if they separate [by divorce], Allah will enrich each [of them] from His abundance. And ever is Allah Encompassing and Wise.” (An-Nisa: 130)

When the moment of divorce arrives, the husband may be tempted by revenge against the woman who “failed” to live with him, understand him, or maintain their home. His first impulse may be to deprive her of some of her rightful dues. However, Allah reminds him in His decisive ayahs, “And how could you take it while you have gone in unto each other and they have taken from you a solemn covenant?” (An-Nisa: 21)

This ayah serves as a reminder to the man, in his final moments before falling into the sin of vengeance, that there are greater matters at stake than wealth—greater than the money he might give her and their children. It reminds him that there is something far more significant than the urge for revenge simply because she refused to continue life with him. It calls upon him to rise above any base desire to pursue her in order to satisfy a sickness in his heart—one that drives him to torment her with disgraceful conduct while evading his moral and financial responsibilities toward her and their children.

A Kind Release or a Gracious Holding On

How many cases of defamation and scandal fill the courts in Arab societies between former spouses who have already been divorced! One party exploits the secrets they know about the other—gained through marriage and intimate companionship—to disgrace them, using social circles or social media to tarnish their reputation, heedless of any ethical principle as a Muslim first and as a spouse second.

A man may take advantage of a woman’s vulnerability and delicate social position, defaming her to gain legal leverage, secure child custody, or simply exact revenge. Some even go so far as to misuse private photos taken during their marriage—publicizing these images or past conversations, thereby stripping away whatever remains of their integrity, dignity, and perhaps even their faith as they engage in such despicable actions. These photos and messages spread among people, leading to widespread gossip and baseless rumors, violating a trust that should have remained sealed within the vault of marriage.

The truth is, the law imposes severe penalties on those who commit such actions. However, these penalties are still not effective or deterrent enough to stop those lacking chivalry and morality. Consequently, they proceed with their misdeeds as if they were devils lurking at the crossroads.

Islam, however, has strictly prohibited revealing the secrets exchanged between spouses. Abu Sa'id al-Khudri reported God's Messenger as saying, “Among those who will have the worst position in God’s sight on the day of resurrection is the man who has intercourse with his wife, and she with him, and then spreads her secret.” (Sahih Muslim)

A true Muslim is meant to have excellent character, and the person most deserving of that noble character is his wife—the one who shared his life and to whom he was intimately connected. Even if their life together becomes impossible, the Quran commands in such cases: “Divorce is twice. Then, either keep [her] in an acceptable manner or release [her] with good treatment. And it is not lawful for you to take anything of what you have given them unless both fear that they will not be able to keep [within] the limits of Allah. But if you fear that they will not keep [within] the limits of Allah, then there is no blame upon either of them concerning that by which she ransoms herself. These are the limits of Allah, so do not transgress them. And whoever transgresses the limits of Allah - it is those who are the wrongdoers.” (Al-Baqarah: 229)

Here, we see the remarkable balance in Allah’s laws regarding marriage and divorce. Islamic history is rich with examples of noble and dignified separations, setting an example for all societies to ensure that life continues peacefully for all involved, especially children who deserve a stable environment like their piers, under the care of responsible and principled parents.

Yet, what we see today is a decline into inhumane behavior. Indeed, there are animals with greater morality than those who wage war against Allah’s divine rulings and regulations.

Life under the Sharia of Allah brings honor, blessings, and true happiness, something that only those who live by it can truly understand.

 

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Conflicts between spouses often escalate when negative emotions accumulate, and one feels unappreciated or misunderstood by the other. This can turn disagreements into arguments or even estrangement, sometimes leading to separation and divorce.

Allah says, “And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.” (Ar-Rum: 21)

Commentators explain that “affection” refers to intimacy, while “mercy” refers to children. Others interpret it as the mutual kindness and compassion between spouses. Ibn Abbas said: “Affection is a man’s love for his wife, and mercy is his kindness toward her, protecting her from harm.”

Wisdom dictates that men should take the initiative in resolving conflicts, preventing problems from escalating. He should remind his wife of Allah, their bond of affection and mercy, and listen to her until she has vented her sadness or anger, which often drives her toward emotional reactions and disputes.

Family experts recommend following four key steps to prevent marital conflicts from intensifying and to maintain harmony within the Muslim household:

1. Avoid Bringing Up the Past

Bringing up past incidents and using them against your spouse complicates discussions and hinders understanding. It may also prompt the other party to retaliate in the same way, recalling unrelated past grievances, which only deepens the divide between them and distracts from resolving the present issue.

This mistake is a primary cause of escalating conflicts, as it revives past negative emotions, leading to accumulated frustration. Instead, both spouses should focus solely on the current issue and work toward a solution without deviating from it.

2. Listen to Your Spouse

Give your spouse the opportunity to speak and express their feelings, especially the wife. Let her talk without interruptions. Simply listening attentively can resolve a significant part of the issue. A calm approach improves the atmosphere of discussion and increases the chances of resolving the conflict. The key is to make your spouse feel heard, understood, and respected.

Through this approach, a husband plants the seeds of resolution, gives himself a chance to process what happened, and might even come up with immediate solutions. Additionally, a wife may feel emotionally relieved after expressing herself, knowing that her husband listened without reacting angrily. Once she has spoken, the discussion can move toward finding a solution and fully resolving the conflict.

3. Avoid Trying to ‘Win’ the Argument

A marital disagreement is not a battlefield between two enemies. Instead, remember the bond of affection and mercy that unites you. The goal should be to contain the issue and understand each other’s needs within a constructive discussion that leads to solutions rather than disputes, estrangement, or even divorce.

Some people raise their voices to dominate the conversation or to end it on their terms. Others resort to threats, which only worsen the situation and diminish any chances of understanding. Worse still, such arguments might be overheard by neighbors or relatives. Instead, view discussions as opportunities to exchange ideas, voice concerns, ask questions, and propose solutions—without the need for one side to “win.”

4. Keep Your Goal in Mind: Resolving the Issue

Your ultimate objective should be resolving the conflict, whether through a kind word, a gentle touch, or acknowledging a suggestion from your spouse. Even if you propose a solution, do not dismiss her ideas entirely or belittle her contributions. Reassure her that you are working toward a solution together, and consider all possibilities, including her suggestions. If necessary, take time to reflect on an idea or seek advice from an expert. This approach demonstrates respect for her feelings and gives both of you the opportunity to address the issue effectively.

We find in the Prophet ﷺ the best example of handling conflicts with wisdom and patience. An incident illustrates his calm approach to dealing with the anger of Lady Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her).

Narrated An-Nu'man ibn Bashir: When AbuBakr asked the permission of the Prophet () to come in, he heard Aisha speaking in a loud voice. So when he entered, he caught hold of her in order to slap her, and said: Do I see you raising your voice to the Messenger of Allah? The Prophet () began to prevent him and AbuBakr went out angry. The Prophet () said when AbuBakr went out: You see I rescued you from the man. AbuBakr waited for some days, then asked permission of the Messenger of Allah () to enter, and found that they had made peace with each other. He said to them: Bring me into your peace as you brought me into your war. The Prophet () said: We have done so: we have done so. (Reported by Abu Dawood)

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He came to his bride, pretending to be joyful and happy, with his hands behind his back, hiding something to surprise her. He called her with a smile, even though his heart was torn with sorrow and pain for her: “I brought you a gift, my beautiful bride. Don’t you want to know what it is? Close your eyes and get ready for a sweet surprise.”

The bride's face lit up as she imagined the gift. Was it a golden bracelet, the usual present given by a groom to his bride? Or perhaps a precious diamond ring to adorn her finger? Maybe his gift was her wedding dress, with the date approaching quickly?

But she quickly brushed those thoughts aside when the sides of her worn-out tent shook with the sound of the wind. The groom extended his hand, offering the gift. She opened her eyes and smiled at him when she saw it. What a gift! It was a loaf of bread!

This scene is neither a dream nor a fantasy but a living reality that no one can deny. In Gaza, the bride's gift has become a loaf of bread, a packet of instant noodles, a single egg, or some fruit. Yet the lovers accept these gifts with pure, genuine smiles, not burdening their loved ones with unbearable demands, not rebuking them for their helplessness, not asking for more, not insisting on delaying the marriage until things get better, and not rejecting a suitor until the country's and people's conditions improve.

And even if they did, they would have every excuse, for they are human, harboring wishes and dreams like everyone else. But they don’t do that! This bride doesn't see her gift as just a loaf of bread; rather, she says, “It’s the first gift since our engagement, the most precious, and it will remain etched in my memory forever!”

What remarkable contentment Allah has blessed them with, adorning their souls! What an exemplary model of modesty, goodwill, satisfaction, generosity, and love they present to people! What a living embodiment of the Prophet's ﷺ saying: “Wealth is not in having many possessions, but rather (true) wealth is feeling sufficiency in the soul.” (Narrated by Al-Bukhari)

This is a profound lesson in contentment for all married couples and those preparing for marriage, as well as for every father seeking to marry his daughter off to a man of religion and good character amidst the difficult economic conditions many people face across different countries. Unfortunately, instead of simplifying marriage by reducing its expenses, costs have risen and become more complicated, leaving young men confused and helpless, unable to proceed with marriage unless they can afford its excessive and overwhelming expenses. Rather than understanding this and empathizing with the groom's circumstances, some fathers obstruct their daughters' marriage, unintentionally causing harm, which may be one of the reasons behind the rising phenomenon of spinsterhood and delayed marriage for both men and women.

The point of mentioning this scene is not that the groom’s gift to his bride should be a loaf of bread or something similar, but rather the lessons in contentment that adorn the little and make it abundant in the eyes, reflecting the beloved's circumstances and conditions. This sharing of hardship relieves their burden instead of trapping them in helplessness and feelings of inadequacy, as some do.

Some fathers demand an unaffordable dowry from their daughters' suitors, insisting that the groom must own a house, not rent one, and even transfer its ownership to the bride before consenting to the marriage. If only such a father would reflect, he would realize that Allah did not specify the dowry in His Book, nor did He detail it as He did with inheritance shares. Rather, He left it to people's circumstances and individual capabilities. One groom might only be able to offer an iron ring, while another could provide a mountain of gold. The value and amount of the dowry vary from one suitor to another.

However, some people go to extremes in dowries, both immediate and deferred, and this may later negatively impact the married couple’s life, causing anxiety and worry over the consequences of such extravagance.

Some mothers demand a specific quantity of gold for their daughters, thinking this elevates their daughter's value in the groom’s eyes and fearing potential betrayal from the husband after marriage.

Another mother requires household and electrical appliances, both necessary and unnecessary, while a third insists on furnishing one or more rooms for future children, who have not yet been born, adorning them with toys. As for the wardrobe, it must contain clothes of every color, shape, trend, and era — enough for the bride to wear for a lifetime, with some left over!

Excessiveness and extravagance even extend to the wedding dress, with the addition of beauty salon fees and renting the wedding hall, all of which require a fortune that this young man, just starting his life, simply does not have. This may lead him to debts and loans, causing him to suffer from overwhelming debt and possibly resort to interest-based loans while still at the beginning of his professional life, where his salary may not even cover one of these required expenses.

The reverse scenario can also occur, where the groom and his family insist on offering a minimal dowry despite their financial capability, demanding unreasonable and extravagant requests from the bride’s family, or requiring the purchase of luxurious furnishings that could be easily done without for now. They might even insist on a particular type of furniture and bedding of very high value, looking down on the bride if she fails to meet these demands.

All these practices burden parents and couples, placing them in difficult situations. How, then, can we expect to find the love we seek and hope for? Where is the treasure of contentment that elevates and enriches us? The Prophet ﷺ said: “Successful is the one who enters the fold of Islam and is provided with sustenance which is sufficient for his day's needs, and Allah makes him content with what He has bestowed upon him.” (Narrated by Muslim)

The Prophet ﷺ encouraged making marriage easy, saying: “The best marriage is the one that is most easy.” (Sahih al-Jami’) He mentioned that this simplicity brings blessing and much good, saying: “One of the signs of a woman being blessed is that the process of proposing to her is made easy and the dowry is made affordable and she bears children easily.” (Sahih al-Jami’) He also said: “The best dowry is that which is most easy.” (Sahih al-Jami’)

Even if some of these examples of extravagance in dowries and wedding expenses have become customs and norms, they need to be reconsidered and replaced with proper values and concepts about true marital happiness. This happiness is not built on furnishings and decorations; true love cannot be bought with money or property. The righteous wife is the true treasure for a husband, and a righteous husband is every Muslim girl’s dream, bringing joy and happiness.

Tomorrow, in Allah’s will, the drums of joy will beat in homes filled with such values. Tomorrow, ease will overcome hardship, and the groom in Gaza will bring his bride gifts, adorning her with gold bracelets and a wedding dress. Tomorrow, the loaf of bread will transform into a happy, prosperous home filled with goodness and blessed with righteous offspring.

 

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Allah the Almighty says, “And make your houses [facing] the qiblah.” (Yunus: 87) One of the clear indications in this ayah is that houses, in their concept and role, are responsible for religion, worldly matters, values, and life, because their status is derived from the status of the mosque. They hold respect and reverence same as that of the mosque, as they serve as a qiblah in their centrality to the soul, thought, upbringing, and life.

Additionally, one of the educational implications of the term “house” is that its meaning has transitioned from a material structure to a moral and symbolic one. For example, people say, “So-and-so comes from a house of honor,” “a house of truth,” or “a house of generosity,” clearly pointing to the ethics and virtues of their family. This is because the house is the first incubator for building values, enhancing positive behavior, and shaping human conscience.

Allah the Almighty also says, “And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.” (Ar-Rum: 21) Al-Alusi comments on this ayah, saying: “The phrase ‘from yourselves’ signifies that the creation of your spouses originating from Hawwa, from Adam's rib, embedded in their creation from yourselves.” (1)

Here, there is a subtle indication of the location, rank, and empowerment of the wife in her husband's heart. The origin of her creation is from a rib on the left side—near the heart. Ibn Hajar said, “It is as if this points to what Ibn Ishaq narrated in the al-Mubtada' on the authority of Ibn Abbas, that Hawwa was created from Adam's shortest left rib.” (2)

This raises the question: Why was Hawwa created from Adam’s rib (according to the opinion of most scholars)? Why wasn’t she created from his head, or from one of his muscles, or from his hand or foot?

For instance, if we imagine that Hawwa was created from Adam’s head, she would have become more intelligent than him, possessing superior intellect and cleverness. She would have been the mastermind in everything by virtue of her creation.

If she had been created from his muscles, she would have been stronger than him, which would not suit the nature for which Allah created her. Imagine how the world would be if women were physically stronger than men!

And if she had been created from his foot, she might have been treated with contempt, and men would have belittled her. But Allah honored her by creating her from a rib on the left side (near the heart) to signify her true position, honoring and elevating her. From her position, she provides tranquility, affection, and mercy.

We also read in the Book of Allah the Almighty an ayah that describes the marital relationship in the most concise yet profound terms, combining meanings that no human, regardless of their intellect, could ever articulate in such a manner. Allah the Almighty says, “They are clothing for you, and you are clothing for them.” (Al-Baqarah: 187)

The term “clothing” carries multiple meanings, such as:

  • Covering: Clothing covers a person, just as a husband covers and protects his wife and vice versa. If either reveals the other’s secrets, it is as if they are wearing torn garments.
  • Protection: Clothing shields a person from harm, just as a husband protects and preserves his wife, and the wife does the same for her husband.
  • Comfort: As Qatadah explained, “They are clothing for you” means they are a source of comfort and tranquility.
  • Adornment: Clothing beautifies a person, just as spouses beautify one another.
  • Closeness: Clothing is the closest thing to a person’s body, just as a husband and wife are intimately close to one another, akin to a garment to the body (she is his inner garment, and he is her outer garment).

All these meanings and more are embedded in Allah's words: “They are clothing for you, and you are clothing for them.” Therefore, understanding these meanings of the marital relationship is crucial. It elevates the level of understanding and communication between spouses. As communication improves, feelings of love, respect, security, and stability grow, ultimately benefiting their children.

It is important to note that no household is free from situations that may lead to disagreements between spouses. However, what sets households apart is the degree of understanding among family members. Even in the Prophet’s household, there were moments of discord. For example, it was narrated from Umm Salamah that she brought some food in a dish of hers to the Messenger of Allah and his Companions, then 'Aishah came, wrapped up in a garment, with a stone pestle and broke the dish. The Prophet gathered the broken pieces of the dish and said: “Eat; your mother got jealous,” twice. Then the Messenger of Allah took the dish of 'Aishah and sent it to Umm Salamah and he gave the dish of Umm Salamah to 'Aishah.

Now, if you were to ask anyone how they would react if their wife spilled food in front of their guests, their response might shock you!

Thus, we must recognize the educational responsibility inherent in marital situations, as they directly impact the upbringing, ethics, and social behavior of children. In fact, I dare say that the moral decline of some individuals is due to family disintegration, poor relationships between spouses, or the parents’ neglect of their children, allowing media to take over the roles of education and upbringing, only worsening the matter. Gone are the days of daily family gatherings, shared laughter, candid conversations, mutual visits, and playing with neighbors, classmates, or relatives. Family gatherings have become nearly impossible, as each member of the household is preoccupied with social media—even the parents. Sometimes, during family gatherings, one may be physically present but mentally absent, lost in the depths of social media.

Only those who have lost the blessing of a home truly understand its value. Ask a homeless person or a refugee about the blessing of a home, and you will hear words filled with sorrow and longing. Their greatest wish is for a small house, even a single room, to provide them with shelter, comfort, and safety among loved ones.

Their memories of their first home remain deeply etched in the depths of their minds. Nostalgic thoughts bring back laughter echoing between the walls of that home, childhood moments of joy and sadness, and unforgettable scenes. These memories create a sense of belonging to the home where they spent their formative years. They remind individuals of the morals, traditions, and values they grew up with, engraved in their minds and hearts.

Thus, every educator must fill their home with love, kindness, and the nurturing of sound values and principles.

From what has been mentioned, we derive three fundamental elements for the stability of human homes:

  1. Building a strong relationship between a person and their spouse.
  2. Building a strong relationship between the head of the household and their family.
  3. Adopting a value-based framework derived from the Qur’an and Sunnah.

These elements are the pillars of stable homes and the secret to their stability. Without these essential foundations, one will face great challenges in upbringing. How can one clothe others when their own garments are torn? How can one build values and bridges with their children when the foundation is crumbling? Can anyone construct a house without a blueprint or clear plan for suitable materials? Establishing this triad is indispensable for successful upbringing and the stability of human homes.

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(1) Tafsir Al-Alusi (11/31).

(2) Fath al-Bari, Ibn Hajar Al-Asqalani, Dar Al-Ma’rifah, Beirut, 1379 AH, (9/253).

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In the era of digital technology, it is impossible to ignore the profound impact of modern innovations on all aspects of our lives, particularly the social ones. One of the most significant changes witnessed in recent years has been the effect of “digitalization” on marital relationships.

The virtual world, made possible by communication technology and social networks, has provided us with extraordinary communication tools. However, it has also introduced new challenges threatening to undermine marital bonds, the strongest human connection described by Allah in the Quran as a “solemn covenant.”

These tools, despite their apparent benefits, can act as a double-edged sword, requiring a deep understanding and effective strategies to preserve family cohesion in the Arab and Islamic world.

The globalization of digitalization presents a unique challenge in this regard, as the influence of the virtual world transcends national, ethnic, and cultural boundaries. Consequently, “online infidelity” has become a global phenomenon.

Social Media

Social media platforms are among the most prominent tools of this globalization, negatively affecting marital relationships. According to a study conducted by Stanford University researcher Katherine Humphreys in 2022, excessive use of social media increases levels of suspicion and distrust between spouses.

The study noted that 40% of couples who use social media excessively face trust issues, with feelings of jealousy arising from their partners' interactions with others. Another study conducted by the Pew Research Center in 2021 revealed that 34% of couples believe social media increases the likelihood of infidelity and negatively impacts their daily communication.

The study also indicated that excessive use of these platforms contributes to marital tensions, ultimately leading to higher divorce rates.

With the growing reliance on text messages and instant messaging applications like WhatsApp and Telegram, these apps have become arenas for communication problems between spouses.

According to another study by Dr. Emily Roberts of Harvard University in 2021, couples who excessively depend on text messaging for daily communication face difficulties in face-to-face communication. The study pointed out that text messages often lack the emotional expression necessary for effective communication, leading to misunderstandings and misinterpretations of intent.

Online Gaming

Online gaming and virtual worlds like “Second Life” have become an integral part of many couples' lives. However, a 2020 study by Dr. James Patterson from the University of California indicated that excessive engagement in these virtual worlds could lead to “marital isolation.”

The same study found that 35% of gamers who spend more than four hours daily playing online games experience deterioration in their marital relationships due to a lack of time and direct communication with their spouses.

The first step to addressing the impact of the virtual world on marital relationships lies in enhancing trust and communication between spouses in the real world. This can be achieved by spending quality time together away from digital devices.

In this regard, a 2023 study by Dr. John Williams at Yale University recommended that couples set aside daily time for face-to-face conversations. This practice reduces stress and doubts while fostering emotional bonding.

Another study conducted by Dr. Lisa Anderson at Oxford University in 2020 suggested that couples engage in shared recreational activities such as sports or artistic hobbies. These activities strengthen emotional connections and mitigate the isolation imposed by technology on their lives.

Digital Boundaries

Establishing clear boundaries for digital use is an effective strategy to address the encroachment of the virtual world on real-world relationships. According to Dr. Sarah Miller in a 2021 study at the University of Michigan, couples who agree on clear boundaries for the use of social media and electronic devices achieve a better balance between their digital and personal lives.

The same study recommended setting specific times during the day free from devices, such as meal times and bedtime.

Similarly, a 2022 study by a research team at the University of British Columbia found that couples who establish clear rules regarding technology use enjoy more satisfying and stable relationships. The study also noted that allocating time for digital devices and family activities can help reduce tensions caused by excessive technology use.

In some cases, seeking marital counseling may be necessary. A 2022 study by Dr. Mark Taylor at Columbia University found that couples who seek marriage counseling can develop effective strategies to cope with the pressures of the virtual world.

Taylor added that counseling sessions help couples better understand each other's needs and develop healthy communication skills.

While the virtual world offers immense benefits, it also poses significant challenges to marital relationships. Understanding these challenges and developing effective strategies to address them is key to maintaining family cohesion and strengthening marital bonds in this digital age.

 

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