Many parents complain that their child does not take responsibility, is disorganized, and dislikes order and planning. This affects their social behavior, reduces their self-efficiency, and may make them an undesirable person in the future.

This issue often arises from early childhood and persists into adolescence, at which point correction becomes more difficult. If left unaddressed, it can develop into a pattern of disorder and chaos, affecting the entire family.

Addressing this issue should begin at an early age, with caution against excessive spoiling, especially in cases where the child is the youngest in the family, born after a long wait, or raised in a highly privileged environment.

Drawing from life experiences, educational theories, and family experts' advice, here is a practical guide to instilling responsibility in children, fostering independence, and preparing them to be valuable members of society.

1. Assigning Daily Tasks

A simple but crucial daily task is for the child to organize their own space—making their bed, arranging their clothes and toys—according to their capability. Mothers should initially assist and guide them until these habits become natural. This teaches self-reliance and the importance of taking care of oneself rather than depending on others.

A study involving nearly 10,000 elementary school children, published in the Journal of Developmental & Behavioral Pediatrics, found that those assigned household tasks in kindergarten displayed clear advantages and self-development by third grade.

This aligns with research from La Trobe University in Australia, which highlights that involving young children in household chores enhances problem-solving skills, academic performance, family cooperation and decreases tension within the house.

 Similarly, a Harvard University study concluded that children who perform chores grow into more successful adults, having developed work ethics and essential life skills such as planning, organization and prioritizing.

2. Teaching Personal Hygiene

Children should learn to bathe independently under family supervision, ensuring they understand basic hygiene principles. Some families postpone this step for years, mistakenly believing that the child is too young to manage bathe alone. However, delaying this responsibility may lead to over-dependence, even into adolescence.

In contrast, allowing children to handle their own hygiene boosts their independence and self-responsibility. Julie Lythcott-Haims, former Dean of Freshmen at Stanford University, emphasizes that early engagement in household tasks fosters professional success in adulthood. Similarly, educational researcher Marty Rossmann notes that children who start taking responsibility at ages three or four are more successful in their twenties, according to Al-Jazeera.

3. Encouraging Participation in Household Activities

Avoid repeatedly telling your child that they are too young to help. Instead, involve them in small tasks—cleaning the car, assisting with minor home repairs under supervision, or taking care of a pet. Let them feel like an essential helper at home.

Expressing trust in their abilities reinforces their confidence and willingness to contribute. Simple tasks such as making tea for a parent, folding laundry, or helping prepare a meal may seem minor to adults but are significant to a child. These activities cultivate a sense of responsibility and a desire to assist others.

4. Instilling Religious Discipline

Encouraging children to perform wudu’ and pray at a young age without harsh reprimands fosters discipline. Rather than forcing them, it is more effective to create a love for prayer, so they naturally respond to the call to prayer, stand in orderly rows behind the imam, maintain cleanliness in the mosque, and listen attentively to the Quran and religious lessons.

This exposure helps instill numerous values and familiarizes them with being in the company of adults. Abdullah ibn Umar, at the age of 11, attended gatherings of senior companions. As he grew, he became one of the leading scholars of Islam.

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“How to Make Your Child Happy?” is the title of the book before us, where we browse through its pages to present families, particularly mothers, with a number of tips and guidelines on raising and caring for their child based on sound and correct principles.

The book's author, journalist Wafaa Saadawi, emphasizes that childhood is a crucial stage in a person's life, during which their personality, psyche, and intellect are formed. She warns against the misconception that Islamic upbringing is limited to teaching a child beliefs, acts of worship, and morals only.

In her book, published in 2003, the author asserts that society needs an aware mother who is well-versed in Islamic culture and the principles of upbringing, an enlightened mind that instills in her child the understanding that we need a generation capable of leading the Ummah toward victory—a generation strong in its faith, morals, knowledge, and all aspects of life.

The author elaborates on the concept of upbringing and its components, including preserving and nurturing the child's innate nature (Fitrah), developing their talents, guiding these talents towards righteousness, and regulating their behavior according to the principles of Islam in a way that fulfills true servitude to Allah.

Under the title “Islam’s Care for Childhood” the author stresses that a child's care in Islam begins with a legitimate marriage based on firm principles that influence upbringing and the preparation of future generations. These principles include proper selection of a spouse, mutual kindness and good companionship, sharing responsibilities between husband and wife, fulfilling parenting duties to the fullest, ensuring the child’s rights, and shielding them from Shaitan’s influence, as this child will become tomorrow's man or the future mother.

The author reminds parents that their child's future is in their hands, pointing out that early childhood has not received the adequate care it deserves in our societies—whether at home or in school. Many mothers focus solely on fulfilling material needs for their children while neglecting their psychological and spiritual well-being.

Saadawi highlights that many mothers overlook the importance of a child’s early years, assuming that their needs are limited to clothing, food, drinks, and toys. They believe that education, knowledge, and culture are responsibilities left to kindergartens and schools. Some mothers even burden their children beyond their capacity, unintentionally making them dislike anything related to religion, by constantly enforcing memorization, rote learning, and punishment.

The author asserts that love grants the child self-confidence, motivating them toward success and hard work. The more loved a child feels within their family, the stronger they become, driving them to achieve the best results in all areas of life. However, she warns against repetitive commands and excessive punishment, as these may lead to a resentful child who harbors negativity towards everything.

She adds that appreciation and respect shape the child into a balanced and mature personality without resorting to criticism, humiliation, insults, or constant comparison with others. Praising the child without exaggeration helps them develop their personality, independence, and self-confidence. Parents should also point out their child’s mistakes and give them the opportunity to correct them, guiding them toward the right path for self-improvement.

The book discusses various challenges mothers face in raising their children, including temper tantrums and aggressive behavior. The author explains that a child may develop a short temper due to imitating parents, being overindulged, or experiencing strict discipline. The solution lies in providing a good role model first, identifying the root cause of the child’s anger, evaluating the situation carefully while avoiding criticism in front of others, offering reassurance and security, teaching the child to dislike anger and reminding them of the Prophet’s ﷺ guidance on controlling anger.

Saadawi also highlights the importance of playing in developing a child’s intellectual and practical skills. She warns against the mistaken belief that a well-behaved child is one who sits quietly at home, while an active child—who explores, plays, and leads his friends—is considered mischievous or troublesome. She stresses that play is crucial for personality building. It strengthens the body, stimulates the mind, and contributes to various cognitive and practical skills.

The author warns every parent against instilling fear in the child, through scary stories or intimidation. Instead, courage should be instilled in their heart, their confidence should be strengthened, their opinion should be considered, their viewpoint should be respected, and their ideas should not be suppressed or excessively controlled. She points out that accustoming the child to accept advice, consider different opinions, take responsibility, consult on certain matters, and even be given the opportunity to manage part of the household budget—among other things—develops their sense of confidence and shapes them into a balanced and responsible individual.

Under the “Your Child’s Questions” section, the author states that a child’s curiosity is endless, spanning religious, sexual, and other topics. She warns against ignoring their questions, as this could lead them to seek answers from unreliable sources. Instead, parents should provide clear and simple answers suited to the child's age and understanding, without lying to them.

She encourages parents to guide their children toward knowledge, using prophetic stories, beneficial educational TV programs, reading materials, and consulting specialists when necessary.

The book concludes with an urgent warning to parents not to leave children unsupervised with phones, the internet, television, electronic games, and cartoons—which have become a modern affliction. Instead, parents should engage their children in beneficial activities, carefully select programs suitable for them, develop their skills and talents, and provide meaningful alternatives that strengthen their Islamic and Arab identity, while enriching them intellectually, culturally, and religiously.

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About the Author:
Sheikh Muhammad Lutfi Al-Sabbagh (1930-2017) was a scholar of Hadith and rhetoric. He earned a doctorate in the rhetoric of the Prophetic Hadith and worked as a professor at King Saud University for 35 years, participating in scientific award committees. He authored numerous works on Quranic and Hadith sciences and Islamic preaching and delivered lessons and lectures in several countries.

Dr. Muhammad Lutfi Al-Sabbagh begins his book The Muslim Family and Challenges, which is based on a lecture he delivered in Doha at the invitation of the Ministry of Islamic Affairs, by highlighting the painful reality that Muslims face. He describes how the forces of disbelief and misguidance conspire to drive Muslims out of their faith and homelands. Dr. Al-Sabbagh reviews various forms of aggression against Muslims, starting with the crimes of the Jews in Palestine—including displacement, killing, and attacks on sacred sites—to the persecution, killing, and systematic displacement of Muslims in Kosovo. He argues that these actions aim to empty Muslim lands and force Muslims into non-Muslim countries, exposing future generations to Christianization. All this happens because Muslims have distanced themselves from their religion.

Dr. Al-Sabbagh focuses on the issue of the Muslim family as the cornerstone of the Muslim Ummah. He asserts that the family is the vessel that preserves noble values and high morals, and nothing threatens a nation more than the destruction of its family unit. Islam, therefore, placed great emphasis on the family, dedicating precise rulings in the Quran and Sunnah that cover all its aspects, including marriage, breastfeeding, upbringing, inheritance, and divorce.

He stresses that throughout history, the Muslim family has been a stronghold of Islamic values, instilling the creed of monotheism, worship, and Islamic ethics in its children. This, in turn, reinforced the identity of the Muslim Ummah. He points out that the struggle between truth and falsehood has been ongoing since ancient times, with Islam’s enemies attempting to destroy the religion through various means—from the Crusades and Mongol invasions to colonialism and modern conspiracies aimed at dismantling the Muslim family. However, despite their efforts, they continue to fail. Allah says, “But they plan, and Allah plans. And Allah is the best of planners.” (Al-Anfal: 30)

Dr. Al-Sabbagh explains that these adversaries realized that destroying the family is the key to dismantling the Muslim Ummah. They have employed modern technology, entertainment, and media to spread Western values and misleading concepts, aiming to weaken the Islamic identity. One of their most dangerous actions was abolishing the Islamic Caliphate, which shook the Islamic identity of both individuals and societies. They also imposed laws that contradict Islamic family principles and promoted alternative ideologies such as nationalism, socialism, and capitalism. Additionally, they used media and art to undermine Islamic values, leading to the dominance of materialism and desires over many people.

He then highlights the major external challenges facing the Muslim family, foremost among them being the elimination of Islamic governance and its replacement with foreign laws. This resulted in the loss of Islamic identity in governance systems and widespread corruption in Muslim societies. European colonialism also played a role in spreading moral decay and immodesty. Christian women in the Levant used to wear hijab, but they abandoned it under the influence of colonialists, and some Muslims followed suit.

Another significant challenge is the Crusader-Zionist alliance against Islam. Despite their historical enmity, they have united against Islam, working to corrupt the morals of Muslim men and women and to weaken the Muslim family from within. Colonialists in the Levant, Algeria, Egypt, Palestine, and other lands facilitated the spread of prostitution, using Jews and Christians as tools to introduce immorality into Muslim societies.

Modern colonialism has taken a more cunning approach by supporting Christian minorities within Muslim societies and providing them with platforms to propagate destructive ideas. These include attacks on polygamy and divorce, as well as the promotion of mixed foreign education, which produced generations of Muslims who renounced Islam, attacked it, and became mentally enslaved to Western ideologies.

These intellectual assaults led to the emergence of movements that promote immorality disguised under art and liberation. They challenge Islamic family laws, falsely claiming that Islam oppresses women. However, Islam has never wronged women; rather, it has honored them as mothers, wives, and daughters, and the Prophet ﷺ instructed kindness towards them.

Dr. Al-Sabbagh also sheds light on the economic challenges facing Muslim families in the Islamic world. Harsh economic conditions have become a primary factor in family breakdown, delayed marriages, and the rise of celibacy. Dictatorial and socialist regimes have led to the decline of the middle class, pushing many into poverty. The cost of establishing a family has skyrocketed, making it difficult for young men to afford marriage, resulting in widespread spinsterhood and moral corruption.

Among the most dangerous challenges exploited by colonial powers is the idea of birth control. They promoted it in Muslim lands under the pretext of poverty alleviation, while Islam opposes this notion, emphasizing that Allah is the Provider. Western intellectuals recognized Islam as a threat to their civilization, so they devised plans to weaken Muslims by reducing their numbers, controlling their wealth, and strategically positioning their agents within Muslim societies. Numerous conferences and initiatives were organized, exploiting the economic difficulties faced by Muslim nations, while Western countries encouraged their own populations to increase their birth rates to strengthen their dominance.

One of the most devastating challenges facing Muslim societies is the spread of desires and temptations. Human nature is inclined toward them, and one of the most dangerous temptations used to corrupt the Muslim family is the trial of women. The Prophet ﷺ warned of its severity, saying: “I have not left behind me a trial more injurious to men than women.” He also encouraged marriage as a means of maintaining chastity and protection from corruption: “Young man, those of you who can support a wife should marry, for it keeps you from looking at strange women and preserves you from immorality; but those who cannot should devote themselves to fasting, for it is a means of suppressing sexual desire.”

However, Islam’s enemies have sought to obstruct marriage through numerous obstacles. The media has exacerbated the problem by promoting immodesty, mixed-gender interactions, and lowly entertainment. Scholars and intellectuals have warned of this moral decline for a long time. Al-Rafi’i, for instance, opposed imitating Europe’s corrupt moral system and criticized the mixing of young men and women in universities, viewing it as a scheme to corrupt the morals of the Ummah’s youth. Such moral deviations can eventually lead to ideological and doctrinal deviations, where individuals start perceiving religion as a barrier to their desires.

Additionally, the love of children is an innate human instinct. In the past, people viewed having many children as a source of strength and support. However, Islam’s enemies have distorted this natural inclination by instilling fear of poverty and hardship. This has led some to abandon their children, much like in the pre-Islamic era. Islam prohibits such practices, as Allah says, “And do not kill your children for fear of poverty. We provide for them and for you. Indeed, their killing is a great sin.” (Al-Isra: 31)

Another destructive desire is the love of status and power, which can corrupt one’s religion. Some people make religious compromises to attain worldly positions. A leader may be pressured into allowing his wife to abandon hijab or engage in mixed gatherings to secure a high-ranking job.

Dr. Al-Sabbagh also discusses intellectual invasions that have destabilized the Muslim family structure. The leadership role of men has been undermined, and women have been misled into believing that obedience to their husbands is a form of humiliation. This has led to family disintegration and the misguidance of children. Media and television dramas have played a role in promoting prohibited behaviors, to the extent that some women now reject hijab and deny what is known in religion by necessity.

The author then shifts to internal challenges within the Muslim family, arguing that Muslims often focus on external threats while ignoring their own shortcomings. When Muslims suffered defeat at the Battle of Uhud, Allah revealed, “Say, it is from yourselves.” (Aal Imran: 165) This ayah emphasizes that many of the crises facing Muslims stem from their own shortcomings, not just the conspiracies of their enemies.

Among the most significant internal challenges facing the Muslim family is ignorance of religion. Colonialism and non-Islamic rulers contributed to spreading this ignorance, along with the prevalence of Sufi ideas that distanced Muslims from reality. This led to a misunderstanding of certain beliefs, such as the doctrine of divine decree and predestination, causing some Muslims to accept oppression and backwardness without striving for change. Additionally, scholars and parents failed in their duty to educate future generations, leaving young people vulnerable to corrupt media and educational curricula that do not properly teach religion. As a result of this ignorance, another challenge emerged: distancing from religion, which led some to adopt strange ideas, such as the desire to control birth rates out of fear of poverty. It also weakened self-discipline and a sense of responsibility due to a lack of faith in the Hereafter.

Another issue is the replacement of Islamic ethics with pre-Islamic customs and social traditions in matters like marriage and inheritance, affecting family stability. Harmful customs with no basis in Sharia, such as forbidding a prospective groom from seeing his fiancée before marriage, have led to failed marriages that either end in divorce or result in a life of misery.

Dr. Al-Sabbagh also discusses the erosion of the Islamic personality in both men and women. There is no longer a clear distinction between a Muslim and a non-Muslim in terms of morality and behavior, making it difficult to differentiate between them except by name, sect, or nationality.

Muslims have also been influenced by non-Muslims, imitating them in dress, lifestyle, historical narratives, customs, and principles. The Prophet ﷺ warned against this, saying: “You will follow the wrong ways, of your predecessors so completely and literally that if they should go into the hole of a mastigure, you too will go there.” We said, “O Allah's Messenger (ﷺ)! Do you mean the Jews and the Christians?” He replied, “Whom else?” (Meaning, of course, the Jews and the Christians.) Islam’s enemies have succeeded in persuading some Muslims to abandon their faith, promoting the idea of adopting Europe's secular experience, which has had dangerous consequences on the Muslim family.

Furthermore, the sense of responsibility has weakened, and a spirit of carelessness has taken hold among some Muslims. Parents are responsible for protecting their children from negative influences, especially given the failure of schools and media to provide proper guidance. A deep sense of responsibility can bring about fundamental changes in the reality of the Muslim family.

Another widespread issue is the continuous engagement of the father in work, making him unable to spend time with or guide his family. This problematic situation also affects working women who leave their homes all day, entrusting their children to maids who may lack Islamic morals and values, leading to family disintegration and the loss of proper upbringing.

Dr. Al-Sabbagh also addresses the failure of parents to consider the future, as some underestimate the importance of raising their children, thinking they are too young to be given attention. However, children are fully aware of their surroundings and may play significant roles in the future. Proper upbringing begins from an early age, and some studies suggest that even a fetus in the womb perceives certain external stimuli.

He also criticizes some men for abandoning their leadership role in the family, which Allah has ordained. This leads to disorder in family management. He clarifies that male guardianship is not about diminishing the status of women but is rather an organizational principle ensuring the home functions properly, with the man responsible for making major decisions in consultation with his family. He warns against men completely relinquishing their authority at home, becoming submissive to their wives’ demands, which disrupts family roles and weakens the household structure.

Islamic scholars and movements have also failed in preparing righteous women. Since the past century, doors to corruption have been opened to women, while doors to goodness and righteousness have been closed. This has distanced them from authentic Islamic culture, which was once transmitted through the family and society. As educational curricula changed and were influenced by external forces, women became vulnerable to intellectual deviation and estrangement from their faith. Modern influences, such as television, cinema, and the press, have played a significant role in this shift.

Although reform efforts have been made to protect young men from this moral decline, women have not received the same attention, making them an easy target for misleading and corrupting influences. Hence, there is an urgent need to focus on the Muslim woman—whether as a mother, wife, sister, or daughter—by intensifying Islamic outreach among women and holding special lessons and lectures in mosques to strengthen their intellectual and moral foundation according to Islamic teachings.

The final challenge Dr. Al-Sabbagh discusses is the dominance of materialism over many people, where financial considerations take precedence over the welfare of faith and family life. This has led to numerous marital conflicts and the rising costs of marriage due to excessive dowries and unnecessary extravagances. Consequently, marriages have been delayed, birth rates have declined, and the stability of the Muslim family has become increasingly threatened.

The lion of the Sunnah, the scholar, the mujahid, the ascetic, the founder of the Hanbali school of jurisprudence, and a proof between Allah and His servants upon earth, about whom Ali ibn al-Madini said: “Allah supported this religion with two men, with no third: Abu Bakr on the day of Ar-Ridah (apostasy) and Imam Ahmad on the day of the ordeal.”

Imam Al-Shafi’i also praised him, saying: “I left Baghdad without leaving behind anyone more pious, more fearful of Allah, more knowledgeable, or more learned than Ahmad ibn Hanbal.”

He is Abu Abdullah Ahmad ibn Muhammad ibn Hanbal ibn Hilal ibn Asad al-Shaybani, who shares lineage with the Prophet ﷺ through his ancestor Nizar. He was born, according to the most reliable opinion, in Baghdad in the year 164 AH. He grew up as an orphan, as his father passed away in the same year he was born. His great mother, Safiyyah bint Maymunah, took care of his upbringing, ensuring his education and memorization of the Quran. Despite being raised in extreme poverty, this did not deter him from seeking knowledge or excelling beyond the wealthy and noble of his time.

His Pursuit of Knowledge

He began studying Hadith at a young age, learning from all the scholars of Hadith in Iraq, Hejaz, and the Levants. His famous collection, Musnad Ahmad, stands as evidence of his vast learning, as he narrated from 283 Sheiks and studied under more than 400 scholars. His poverty did not stop him from traveling far and wide in search of knowledge, often walking on foot to seek it.

He learned under numerous elite Ummah scholars, among which, Imam Al-Shafi’I, Sufyan ibn ‘Uyaynah, Qadi Abu Yusuf (the student of Abu Hanifa), Ismail ibn ‘Ulayyah, Yazid ibn Harun, Abdul Rahman ibn Mahdi, and many others.

He also taught many prominent scholars, including, Abdul Malik al-Maimuni, Muhanni ibn Yahya, Ibrahim ibn Ishaq al-Harbi, and Baqi ibn Makhlad.

His Writings

Imam Ahmad authored many books, the most significant of which are:

1. Musnad Ahmad – A collection of 30,000 Hadiths.
2. Masa'il Ahmad – A record of his jurisprudential opinions.
3. Kitab al-Zuhd – A book on asceticism.
4. Al-‘Ilal wa Ma‘rifat al-Rijal – A work on Hadith narrators and their reliability.

Imam Al-Shafi’i described him as: “Ahmad is an imam in eight qualities: an imam in Hadith, an imam in jurisprudence, an imam in language, an imam in the Quran, an imam in poverty, an imam in asceticism, an imam in piety, and an imam in the Sunnah.”

The Great Ordeal

Imam Ahmad faced a severe trial during the reign of Caliph Al-Ma'mun, when the Mu‘tazilites promoted the doctrine that the Quran was created. The caliph forced scholars to accept this belief under threat of punishment. Imam Ahmad led those who stood firm against this heresy. He was imprisoned, whipped, and brutally tortured, yet he remained steadfast in his faith. Three successive caliphs—Al-Ma'mun, Al-Mu‘tasim, and Al-Wathiq—attempted to break him, but he refused to compromise his belief in the eternal and uncreated nature of the Quran.

His endurance in this ordeal made him a symbol of resilience and monotheism. The ordeal lasted twenty years, until Caliph Al-Mutawakkil came to power and ended the persecution. Imam Ahmad’s steadfastness remains an example of how scholars should stand firm in the face of tyranny and deviation.

His Piety and Humility

Imam Ahmad set an extraordinary example in asceticism and devotion. He refused gifts from rulers, fasted frequently, and prayed between Maghrib and Isha and throughout the night until dawn. He preferred solitude with Allah, saying: “I found that solitude is more comforting for my heart.”

Despite his high status, he despised and avoided fame and advised others to do the same. His student Al-Marothi narrated that he once said: “Tell Abdul Wahhab to keep his name unknown, for I have been tested with fame.” Even with his status as a scholar, he remained deeply humble. Once, when a man said to him, “May Allah reward you for your service to Islam,” Imam Ahmad replied: “May Allah reward Islam for me! Who am I, and what am I?”

His Kindness and Forbearance

He was fond of the poor, speaking only when necessary. He was reserved in speech, deep in contemplation, and distinguished by his good character. He was patient, humble, gentle, and forbearing, yet he would become intensely angry when the sanctities of Allah were violated.

He faced hardships with unwavering steadfastness and unshakable determination. Imam Al-Dhahabi said about him: “He is truly the Imam, truly the one who was tested, and truly the one who upheld Allah’s command during the ordeal.”

He was among the scholars most devoted to seeking knowledge, and nothing prevented him from traveling in pursuit of it. This is reflected in his famous saying: “With the inkwell until the grave.”

He was also known for his tolerance and forgiveness. Despite the pain and torture he endured during the ordeal of the Quran’s createdness, when asked about those who had tortured him, he responded: “Whoever has spoken ill of me, I have pardoned him—except for an innovator.”

Ibn al-Qayyim praised this trait, saying: “One of the most astonishing things about Imam Ahmad demonstrating his forbearance and forgiveness toward those who harmed him, what he used to say: 'I have never seen anyone as patient as Ahmad.'”

His Death and Legacy

Imam Ahmad passed away in Baghdad in 241 AH. His funeral was one of the largest in history, attended by hundreds of thousands. It is reported that on the day of his death, twenty thousand Jews, Christians, and Zoroastrians embraced Islam. The city of Baghdad witnessed an unprecedented public mourning, attended by different religions. Estimates suggest that his funeral was attended by 800,000 men and 60,000 women.

May Allah have mercy on this great scholar, who sacrificed his life for the truth, “If it were not for him and his sacrifice, Islam would have perished.” as Ishaq ibn Rahwayh said.

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1. Al-Mubdi‘ fi Sharh al-Muqni‘ by Ibn Muflih
2. Siyar A‘lam al-Nubala’ by Imam Al-Dhahabi
3. This is How the Righteous Were by Khalid Al-Husainan
4. The Biography of Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal by Dr. Tariq Al-Suwaidan
5. History of Baghdad by Al-Khatib Al-Baghdadi

Allah, the Almighty, has legislated divorce despite His strong emphasis on preserving the institution of marriage through all available means—whether by resolving conflicts between spouses, involving relatives from both sides to seek reconciliation, or implementing gradual steps such as temporary separation in bed before referring the matter to external mediators.

However, despite these measures, Allah has prescribed divorce when no other solution remains—when it is the only way to prevent numerous human problems that could arise from continuing a failing marriage, such as deepening resentment between spouses, escalating conflicts, and the negative psychological impact on children who are forced to grow up in a hostile environment.

What we witness today in Arab and Muslim societies when divorce occurs—such as abandoning all values, morals, and ethics, failing to uphold kindness and respect for past companionship, and disregarding the presence of children between the former spouses—has no connection to Islam whatsoever. The Islamic Sharia, just as it established boundaries, laws, and principles for marriage, which it termed “a solemn covenant,” has likewise set ethical and moral standards for handling the painful process of separation.

Divorce in Allah’s Sharia

Allah says in the Quran, “O you who have believed, it is not lawful for you to inherit women by compulsion. And do not make difficulties for them in order to take [back] part of what you gave them unless they commit a clear immorality. And live with them in kindness. For if you dislike them—perhaps you dislike a thing and Allah makes therein much good. But if you want to replace one wife with another and you have given one of them a great amount [in gifts], do not take back from it anything. Would you take it in injustice and manifest sin? And how could you take it while you have gone in unto each other and they have taken from you a solemn covenant?” (An-Nisa: 19-21)

These noble ayahs clarify that life is not based solely on love but on mutual understanding, good companionship, shared responsibilities, common interests, and guardianship—factors that bind a man and a woman together beyond mere affection and attachment.

If all attempts at reconciliation and restoring family unity fail, then separation becomes inevitable—but it must be carried out with full justice, ensuring that the woman receives all her rights as decreed by Allah while remembering the solemn covenant they once shared. Allah says, “But if they separate [by divorce], Allah will enrich each [of them] from His abundance. And ever is Allah Encompassing and Wise.” (An-Nisa: 130)

When the moment of divorce arrives, the husband may be tempted by revenge against the woman who “failed” to live with him, understand him, or maintain their home. His first impulse may be to deprive her of some of her rightful dues. However, Allah reminds him in His decisive ayahs, “And how could you take it while you have gone in unto each other and they have taken from you a solemn covenant?” (An-Nisa: 21)

This ayah serves as a reminder to the man, in his final moments before falling into the sin of vengeance, that there are greater matters at stake than wealth—greater than the money he might give her and their children. It reminds him that there is something far more significant than the urge for revenge simply because she refused to continue life with him. It calls upon him to rise above any base desire to pursue her in order to satisfy a sickness in his heart—one that drives him to torment her with disgraceful conduct while evading his moral and financial responsibilities toward her and their children.

A Kind Release or a Gracious Holding On

How many cases of defamation and scandal fill the courts in Arab societies between former spouses who have already been divorced! One party exploits the secrets they know about the other—gained through marriage and intimate companionship—to disgrace them, using social circles or social media to tarnish their reputation, heedless of any ethical principle as a Muslim first and as a spouse second.

A man may take advantage of a woman’s vulnerability and delicate social position, defaming her to gain legal leverage, secure child custody, or simply exact revenge. Some even go so far as to misuse private photos taken during their marriage—publicizing these images or past conversations, thereby stripping away whatever remains of their integrity, dignity, and perhaps even their faith as they engage in such despicable actions. These photos and messages spread among people, leading to widespread gossip and baseless rumors, violating a trust that should have remained sealed within the vault of marriage.

The truth is, the law imposes severe penalties on those who commit such actions. However, these penalties are still not effective or deterrent enough to stop those lacking chivalry and morality. Consequently, they proceed with their misdeeds as if they were devils lurking at the crossroads.

Islam, however, has strictly prohibited revealing the secrets exchanged between spouses. Abu Sa'id al-Khudri reported God's Messenger as saying, “Among those who will have the worst position in God’s sight on the day of resurrection is the man who has intercourse with his wife, and she with him, and then spreads her secret.” (Sahih Muslim)

A true Muslim is meant to have excellent character, and the person most deserving of that noble character is his wife—the one who shared his life and to whom he was intimately connected. Even if their life together becomes impossible, the Quran commands in such cases: “Divorce is twice. Then, either keep [her] in an acceptable manner or release [her] with good treatment. And it is not lawful for you to take anything of what you have given them unless both fear that they will not be able to keep [within] the limits of Allah. But if you fear that they will not keep [within] the limits of Allah, then there is no blame upon either of them concerning that by which she ransoms herself. These are the limits of Allah, so do not transgress them. And whoever transgresses the limits of Allah - it is those who are the wrongdoers.” (Al-Baqarah: 229)

Here, we see the remarkable balance in Allah’s laws regarding marriage and divorce. Islamic history is rich with examples of noble and dignified separations, setting an example for all societies to ensure that life continues peacefully for all involved, especially children who deserve a stable environment like their piers, under the care of responsible and principled parents.

Yet, what we see today is a decline into inhumane behavior. Indeed, there are animals with greater morality than those who wage war against Allah’s divine rulings and regulations.

Life under the Sharia of Allah brings honor, blessings, and true happiness, something that only those who live by it can truly understand.

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An incessant clamor of Westerners and secularists persists as they hurl accusations at Islam, particularly regarding women: “Islam oppresses women!” “Oh, the poor woman! Islam wants to erase her identity and suppress her!” “You seek to cover women and consider them a source of shame—how barbaric!”

Yet, here stands a Christian woman—an outspoken critic of Islam—who, in an interview with British journalist Dilly Hussain, expressed her frustration over the increasing number of young people and women embracing Islam. She lamented: “The Western women are meeting these Muslim men. These Muslim men are saying to these western women. ‘You are so precious. You are so important. I want no one to look upon your beauty other than me and Allah’… The natural instinct for a woman is to find a man that is going to be protective.”
This, she admitted, aligns with a woman’s natural instinct—her innate desire to have a man who protects and cherishes her.

Similarly, social media influencer Veronika Edali acknowledged that Islam is the fastest-growing religion globally, particularly among women. One of the primary reasons for her conversion was Islam’s gender equality. She dismissed the false narrative that women in Islam are oppressed, stating that while researching women's rights before embracing Islam, she was “enlightened by how much Islam values and honors and respects and elevates women.” This ultimately led her to accept Islam, as she had always been a strong advocator for gender equality.

There are countless other Western women who have willingly embraced Islam after discovering the peace, dignity, and rights it guarantees them—rights that secularism and capitalism failed to provide. Instead, these ideologies relentlessly promote female nudity and moral decay under the guise of “freedom,” a hollow concept that has led to the disintegration of families, the collapse of societies, and the rise of crime, murder, and rape!

Where is the freedom in that? How can they condemn Islam, which honored women and granted them unimaginable rights?

Some Aspects of Islam Honoring Women:

1. The Right to Life: Before Islam, pre-Islamic Arabs oppressed women and even buried their daughters alive. Islam completely forbade this practice. Allah says, “And when the girl [who was] buried alive is asked. For what sin she was killed.” (At-Takwir 8-9)
   Women in ancient civilizations also lived in oppression and humiliation. In Greek society, philosophers deemed women inherently inferior and impure. In Roman civilization, women were treated as mere commodities, bought and sold in marketplaces. In England, they were auctioned like livestock, and in France, they were seen as beings created solely for men’s service. Meanwhile, Judaism labeled women as the root of sin and misfortune.
2. Freedom and the Right to Choose: Women cannot be forced into marriage; their consent is essential. The Prophet ﷺ said: “A previously married woman should not be married until her permission has been sought, and a virgin should not be married until her consent is sought.” (Sahih al-Bukhari, 5136)
   Islam also did not prohibit women from working or engaging in trade. The best example is Khadijah bint Khuwaylid, the wife of the Prophet ﷺ, who was a successful businesswoman. Furthermore, Islam upheld women’s right to education. The Prophet ﷺ dedicated a special day to teach women, as reported by Abu Sa'id al-Khudri: “Some women requested the Prophet (ﷺ) to fix a day for them as the men were taking all his time. On that he promised them one day for religious lessons and commandments.” (Sahih al-Bukhari, 101)
3. Obligated Men to Provide for Women: A woman’s guardian is responsible for her financial needs from birth until death. Allah says, “Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth.” (An-Nisa: 34) Islam even forbade taking women’s wealth forcefully or against her will: “O you who have believed, it is not lawful for you to inherit women by compulsion. And do not make difficulties for them in order to take [back] part of what you gave them unless they commit a clear immorality.” (An-Nisa: 19) Rather, her financial maintenance is given precedence even over that of the parents, as Sheikh Ibn Uthaymeen (may Allah have mercy on him) said: “The correct view is that one begins with himself, then his wife, then his child, then his parents, and then the rest of his relatives.” Unlike pre-Islamic Arabia, where women had no inheritance rights and were treated as property, Islam granted them a share of inheritance and treated them with dignity: “For men is a share of what the parents and close relatives leave, and for women is a share of what the parents and close relatives leave, be it little or much - an obligatory share.” (An-Nisa: 7)
4. Protected Women and Prohibited Harming Them:
   Islam legislated the hijab as a means of safeguarding women’s dignity and shielding them from harm. Allah says, “O Prophet, tell your wives and your daughters and the women of the believers to bring down over themselves [part] of their outer garments. That is more suitable that they will be known and not be abused. And ever is Allah Forgiving and Merciful.” (Al-Ahzab: 59)
   Islam also prohibited a woman from traveling without a mahram to ensure her safety, even for Hajj. The Prophet ﷺ said: “It is not lawful for a woman believing in Allah and the Hereafter to undertake journey extending over a day and a night except when there is a Mahram with her.” (Sahih al-Bukhari, 1088) Furthermore, Islam forbade keeping a woman in a marriage against her will to harm her:
   “And do not keep them, intending harm, to transgress [against them]. And whoever does that has certainly wronged himself.” (Al-Baqarah: 231)
   Unlike men, women are not obligated to engage in combat, as jihad requires physical endurance that contradicts their nature. However, Islam equated for them Hajj and Umrah with jihad in reward. ‘A’isha said that she asked God’s messenger whether jihad was incumbent on women, and he replied, “Yes, jihad which does not include fighting is incumbent on them. It is the hajj and the ‘umra.” (Ibn Majah, 2901)
   Even those who fail to uphold women’s rights will be held accountable. The Prophet ﷺ said: “O Allah, bear witness that I have issued a warning concerning (failure to fulfill) the rights of the two weak ones: Orphans and women.” (Sunan Ibn Majah, 3678)
5. Kindness and Patience Toward Women: Islam commanded men to treat women with kindness: “And live with them in kindness. For if you dislike them - perhaps you dislike a thing and Allah makes therein much good.” (An-Nisa: 19) Islam also emphasized caring for widows, likening it to striving in Allah’s cause, so they won’t suffer from the pain of losing their husbands and striving for their livelihood. The Prophet (ﷺ) said: “The one who looks after and works for a widow and for a poor person, is like a warrior fighting for Allah's Cause or like a person who fasts during the day and prays all the night.” (Sahih al-Bukhari, 5353)
   Moreover, Islam abolished pre-Islamic and Jewish practices of shunning women during menstruation. The Prophet ﷺ lived with his wives normally while they were menstruating, only avoiding sexual intercourse. He also commanded patience, kindness and good treatment with women, recognizing their emotional nature. He said: “Treat women nicely, for a women is created from a rib, and the most curved portion of the rib is its upper portion, so, if you should try to straighten it, it will break, but if you leave it as it is, it will remain crooked. So treat women nicely.” (Sahih al-Bukhari, 3331)

This is merely a glimpse of Islam’s extensive rights and honors for women. Do not be deceived by the distortion campaigns and false claims of the misguided in the name of false freedom. For, there is no freedom like the freedom of Islam, and no justice like the justice of Islam!

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1. Encyclopedia of the Merits of Islam.
2. The Status of Women in Islam by Dr. Muhammad bin Maq'ad Al-Asimi.
3. Bloodxbrothers, Why Are White Women Converting to Islam?
4. Veronika Edali, Why So Many Women Convert to Islam.
5. Al-Jazeera.net
6. IslamWeb. 

The poor and the needy share characteristics of weakness, humility, and the inability to earn enough to meet their essential needs. When either term is mentioned independently, it implies both of them together. However, when mentioned together, each term has a distinct meaning despite their shared characteristics of need and vulnerability. The difference is that the poor are financially destitute and have no wealth whatsoever, while the needy may have some wealth, but it is insufficient to fulfill their needs and may also be internally humble and have a rich heart.

Islam invites believers to love the needy, whether this refers to financial hardship or inner emotional vulnerability. This is evidenced by the fact that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) prayed to Allah to make him live as a needy, even though he sought refuge from poverty, which supports the view that the need primarily pertains to the heart rather than material conditions, although it does not exclude them.

Manifestations of Loving the Needy

1. Respect and Appreciation: By showing true brotherhood in interactions and refraining from contempt or belittling them.
2. Support and Assistance: By providing for their essential needs without causing harm or boasting about one's generosity.
3. Accompanying and Engaging with Them: By visiting, interacting, and involving them in suitable tasks.

Motivations for Loving and Helping the Needy

1. Worshiping Allah

Allah commanded benevolence towards the needy. He says, “Worship Allah and associate nothing with Him, and to parents do good, and to relatives, orphans, and the needy.” (An-Nisa: 36) Allah also said: “And give the relative his right, and [also] the poor.” (Al-Isra: 26) Additionally, Allah commanded the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) to treat the needy with love and kindness. In Musnad Ahmad, Abu Dharr al-Ghifari narrated: “My most beloved person- the Prophet – may peace and blessings of Allah be upon him- ordered me to love the poor and be close with them.” Meaning to keep the needy in one’s consideration, loving them, being near them, checking on their conditions, striving to meet their needs, and safeguarding their interests to alleviate their hardship and share their burdens.

2. Following the Example of the Prophet

The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) loved the needy and openly declared this to the people. Allah even commanded him to pray for this, as mentioned in Sunan at-Tirmidhi, where Ibn Abbas reported that the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “I saw my Lord tonight in the most beautiful form. He addressed me by name, and said, when you pray, say: 'O God, I ask Thee for power to do good things and abandon objectionable things, for love towards the poor.'” Thus, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) would supplicate for Allah to grant him a life and death among the needy and to be resurrected with them on the Day of Judgment.

3. Embodiment of Noble Ethical Values

Loving the needy nurtures numerous ethical values promoted by Islam, as it requires a Muslim to empathize with, be compassionate toward, and assist the needy. It is a noble act that represents the true spirit of human values at their finest.

4. Fostering Societal Cohesion

The needy are part of society, just like anyone else. They need support and inclusion. Without this, they may become sources of harm or resentment. When love and kindness prevail, such negativity is eliminated, fostering societal cohesion and building strong relationships based on respect and appreciation.

5. Encouragement to Show Gratitude for Blessings

In Sunan Ibn Majah, authenticated by Al-Albani, Abu Hurairah reported that the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “Look to one who is lower than you, and do not look to one who is above you. For indeed that is more worthy (so that you will) not belittle Allah's favors upon you.” Reflecting on the needy and the blessings they lost motivates one to remember these blessings and be grateful for them, which leads Allah to increase His bounty, as He says, “And [remember] when your Lord proclaimed, 'If you are grateful, I will surely increase you [in favor].'” (Ibrahim: 7)

6. Protection from Allah’s Punishment

Allah has warned of severe punishment for those who neglect the needy. He described one of the reasons for entering Hell Fire, saying: “Nor did he encourage the feeding of the poor.” (Al-Haqqah: 34) The people of Hell admitted their neglect by saying as mentioned in the Quran: “Nor did we used to feed the poor.” (Al-Muddathir: 44)

7. Closeness to Allah on the Day of Resurrection

In Sunan at-Tirmidhi, authenticated by Al-Albani, Anas reported that the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “O 'Aishah! Love the needy and be near them, for indeed Allah will make you near on the Day of Judgement.”

8. Being Among the Righteous

Allah described the righteous inhabitants of Paradise as those who perform specific deeds, including feeding the poor and those in need. He says, “And they give food in spite of love for it to the needy, the orphan, and the captive, [saying], 'We feed you only for the countenance of Allah. We wish not from you reward or gratitude. Indeed, We fear from our Lord a Day austere and distressful.' So Allah will protect them from the evil of that Day and give them radiance and happiness, and will reward them for what they patiently endured with a garden [in Paradise] and silk [garments].” (Al-Insan: 8-12)

Therefore, Al-Bukhari narrated that Nafi' said: “Ibn `Umar never used to take his meal unless a poor man was called to eat with him.” The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) also prohibited feeding the needy with food that people would not desire. In Musnad Ahmad, Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her) narrated: “A lizard was brought to Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) but he neither ate that nor did he prohibit it. I said, 'Shall we not give it to the poor?' He said, 'Do not feed them what you do not eat yourselves.'”

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The book The Quran - An Eternal Challenge by Dr. Muhammad Abdullah Draz is one of the most significant contemporary works written to elucidate the miraculous nature of the Qur'an. The author discusses the thematic unity of Qur'anic Surahs and provides evidence and arguments to prove that each Surah of the Qur'an resembles a cohesive structure. The book is divided as follows:

First Chapter: Definition of the Qur'an and the Difference Between It and Other Sacred Qudsi and Prophetic Hadiths: The author explains the linguistic and etymological meanings of “Qur'an” and “Al-Kitab (the Book),” the secret behind their names, and why the Qur'an is uniquely preserved and immune to distortion among the revealed scriptures.

Second Chapter: Proving the Divine Origin of the Qur'an: This chapter establishes that the Qur'an is from Allah, citing as evidence Allah's reproaches of Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) in permissible matters and mentioning the testimony of polytheists who acknowledged the Prophet's truthfulness in both speech and action.

In this chapter, the author outlines four stages:

Stage One: Refuting the claim that the Qur'an is Muhammad's own speech, emphasizing that the meanings of the Qur'an are beyond human intelligence and deduction, and inaccessible except through divine revelation. Examples include the detailed stories of the prophets and the people of the cave.

Stage Two: Denying the existence of any human teacher for Muhammad (peace be upon him).

Stage Three: Highlighting the phenomenon of divine revelation and its indication of the Qur'an’s source.

Stage Four: The essence of the Qur'an reveals its divine origin, addressing three aspects of its miraculous nature: linguistic, scientific, and legislative, while responding to misconceptions about the linguistic miracle of the Qur'an.

The author concludes the book with a model study of the Qur'anic miracle for Surat Al-Baqarah, dividing his analysis into an introduction, four main objectives, and a conclusion as follows:

• Introduction: Defining the Qur'an and highlighting its guidance.
• First Objective: Inviting all people to Islam.
• Second Objective: Specifically inviting the People of the Book to abandon falsehood and embrace the true religion. This section spans around 123 ayahs and includes mentions of the Israelites with Musa, their salvation from Pharaoh and the sea, their repentance being accepted, the trial of Ibrahim with commandments, his building of the Ka'bah with Ismail, the command to change the direction of prayer toward the Sacred House, and the mention of Al-Safa and Al-Marwah.
• Third Objective: Detailed presentation of the laws of Islam in 106 ayahs, covering matters such as patience in adversity and hardship, rulings on fighting in the Sacred Mosque, and family matters like divorce, khul' (the separation of the wife in return for a payment), maintenance, and similar issues.
• Fourth Objective: Emphasizing the religious motivation to adhere to these laws and mentioning the truths of faith and Islam.
• Conclusion: Introducing those who responded to this comprehensive call, as mentioned in the last two ayahs of Surat Al-Baqarah.

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Conflicts between spouses often escalate when negative emotions accumulate, and one feels unappreciated or misunderstood by the other. This can turn disagreements into arguments or even estrangement, sometimes leading to separation and divorce.

Allah says, “And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.” (Ar-Rum: 21)

Commentators explain that “affection” refers to intimacy, while “mercy” refers to children. Others interpret it as the mutual kindness and compassion between spouses. Ibn Abbas said: “Affection is a man’s love for his wife, and mercy is his kindness toward her, protecting her from harm.”

Wisdom dictates that men should take the initiative in resolving conflicts, preventing problems from escalating. He should remind his wife of Allah, their bond of affection and mercy, and listen to her until she has vented her sadness or anger, which often drives her toward emotional reactions and disputes.

Family experts recommend following four key steps to prevent marital conflicts from intensifying and to maintain harmony within the Muslim household:

1. Avoid Bringing Up the Past

Bringing up past incidents and using them against your spouse complicates discussions and hinders understanding. It may also prompt the other party to retaliate in the same way, recalling unrelated past grievances, which only deepens the divide between them and distracts from resolving the present issue.

This mistake is a primary cause of escalating conflicts, as it revives past negative emotions, leading to accumulated frustration. Instead, both spouses should focus solely on the current issue and work toward a solution without deviating from it.

2. Listen to Your Spouse

Give your spouse the opportunity to speak and express their feelings, especially the wife. Let her talk without interruptions. Simply listening attentively can resolve a significant part of the issue. A calm approach improves the atmosphere of discussion and increases the chances of resolving the conflict. The key is to make your spouse feel heard, understood, and respected.

Through this approach, a husband plants the seeds of resolution, gives himself a chance to process what happened, and might even come up with immediate solutions. Additionally, a wife may feel emotionally relieved after expressing herself, knowing that her husband listened without reacting angrily. Once she has spoken, the discussion can move toward finding a solution and fully resolving the conflict.

3. Avoid Trying to ‘Win’ the Argument

A marital disagreement is not a battlefield between two enemies. Instead, remember the bond of affection and mercy that unites you. The goal should be to contain the issue and understand each other’s needs within a constructive discussion that leads to solutions rather than disputes, estrangement, or even divorce.

Some people raise their voices to dominate the conversation or to end it on their terms. Others resort to threats, which only worsen the situation and diminish any chances of understanding. Worse still, such arguments might be overheard by neighbors or relatives. Instead, view discussions as opportunities to exchange ideas, voice concerns, ask questions, and propose solutions—without the need for one side to “win.”

4. Keep Your Goal in Mind: Resolving the Issue

Your ultimate objective should be resolving the conflict, whether through a kind word, a gentle touch, or acknowledging a suggestion from your spouse. Even if you propose a solution, do not dismiss her ideas entirely or belittle her contributions. Reassure her that you are working toward a solution together, and consider all possibilities, including her suggestions. If necessary, take time to reflect on an idea or seek advice from an expert. This approach demonstrates respect for her feelings and gives both of you the opportunity to address the issue effectively.

We find in the Prophet ﷺ the best example of handling conflicts with wisdom and patience. An incident illustrates his calm approach to dealing with the anger of Lady Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her).

Narrated An-Nu'man ibn Bashir: When AbuBakr asked the permission of the Prophet (ﷺ) to come in, he heard Aisha speaking in a loud voice. So when he entered, he caught hold of her in order to slap her, and said: Do I see you raising your voice to the Messenger of Allah? The Prophet (ﷺ) began to prevent him and AbuBakr went out angry. The Prophet (ﷺ) said when AbuBakr went out: You see I rescued you from the man. AbuBakr waited for some days, then asked permission of the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) to enter, and found that they had made peace with each other. He said to them: Bring me into your peace as you brought me into your war. The Prophet (ﷺ) said: We have done so: we have done so. (Reported by Abu Dawood)

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When people hear the word “custodian,” their minds immediately turn to rulers and heads of state. This is correct, but the mistake lies in limiting the meaning to state leaders alone. A custodian is anyone entrusted with the duty of care and governance, ⁽¹⁾ regardless of what that duty entails. Thus, the term “custodian” is a general one that includes anyone responsible for managing an affair or carrying out a task.

Al-Bukhari narrated from Abdullah ibn Umar said: I heard Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) saying, “Everyone of you is a guardian, and responsible for what is in his custody. The ruler is a guardian of his subjects and responsible for them; a husband is a guardian of his family and is responsible for it; a lady is a guardian of her husband's house and is responsible for it, and a servant is a guardian of his master's property and is responsible for it.” I heard that from Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) and I think that the Prophet (ﷺ) also said, “A man is a guardian of is father's property and is responsible for it, so all of you are guardians and responsible for your wards and things under your care.”

Being responsible for one’s flock does not mean using force or harshness. Rather, it requires kindness and mercy. Several factors encourage gentleness toward those under one’s care, including:

1. Allah Commands Gentleness and Loves Those Who Practice It

Allah says, “So by mercy from Allah, [O Muhammad], you were lenient with them. And if you had been rude [in speech] and harsh in heart, they would have disbanded from about you. So pardon them and ask forgiveness for them and consult them in the matter. (Aal ‘Imran: 159) And when Allah sent Musa and Harun to Pharaoh, He commanded: “Go, both of you, to Pharaoh. Indeed, he has transgressed. And speak to him with gentle speech that perhaps he may be reminded or fear [Allah].” (Taha: 43-44)

Al-Bukhari narrated from Aisha that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: “Allah is Forbearer and loves forbearance in all matters.” When Umar ibn al-Khattab wanted to advise his governors, he said: “O shepherds! The people have rights over you. Know that nothing is more beloved to Allah and more honorable than the patience and gentleness of a leader.” ⁽²⁾

Umar ibn Abdul Aziz said: “The most beloved things to Allah are four: moderation in wealth, forgiveness when able, patience in anger, and kindness to Allah’s servants in all circumstances.” ⁽³⁾

2. The Prophet (ﷺ) Emphasized That Gentleness Beautifies All Affairs

Al-Bukhari narrated from Aisha that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: “Easy, 'A'isha, you must be gentle. Beware of harshness and coarseness.” And Muslim narrated from Aisha that the Prophet (ﷺ) said: “Kindness is not to be found in anything but that it adds to its beauty and it is not withdrawn from anything but it makes it defective.”

One example of his gentleness is what Al-Bukhari narrated from Anas ibn Malik, who said: “Once the Prophet (ﷺ) was on one of his journeys, and the driver of the camels started chanting (to let the camels go fast). The Prophet (ﷺ) said to him. “(Take care) Drive slowly with the glass vessels, O Anjasha! Waihaka (May Allah be Merciful to you).” (Meaning: the women.)

3. Whoever is Gentle, Allah Will Be Gentle With Him, and Whoever is Harsh, Allah Will Be Harsh With Him

Muslim narrated from Aisha that the Prophet (ﷺ) said: “O God, cause distress to him who has any charge over my people and causes them distress, and be gentle to him who has any charge over my people and is gentle to them.”

4. Kindness Towards People Is a Sign of a Good Leader

At-Tirmidhi narrated, with a chain authenticated by Al-Albani, from Abu Darda that the Prophet (ﷺ) said: “Whoever has been given his portion of compassion has been given his portion of good. Whoever is denied given his portion of compassion has been denied his portion of good.” Muslim narrated from Jarir ibn Abdullah that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: “He who is deprived of tenderly feelings is in fact deprived of good and he who is deprived of tenderly feelings is in fact deprived of good.”

In Musnad Ahmad, it is narrated from Aisha that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said to her: “O Aisha, show gentleness, for when Allah intends good for a household, He guides them to gentleness.”

On the other hand, unjustified harshness and severity indicate that the leader is among the worst of people. This is evident in what Muslim narrated: 'Aidh bin 'Amr (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: I visited 'Ubaidullah bin Ziyad (he was unjust ruler) and said to him: “Dear son, I heard Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) saying, 'The worst of rulers are those who treat their subjects harshly. Beware, lest you should be one of them.'”

The term “hutama” (harsh leaders) used in the hadith is an exaggerated form, referring to those who crush everything beneath them—just as a shepherd who harshly drives his flock with a staff, scaring and hurting them. Similarly, a leader who rules with oppression and cruelty, scattering his people, falls under this category.

5. Gentleness Is a Sign of Wisdom and Understanding

Waki’ and Hannad narrated in Az-Zuhd that Abu Darda said: “Among the signs of a man’s wisdom is his gentleness in his livelihood.” And Hisham ibn Urwah reported from his father that it was written in wisdom:
“Gentleness is the pinnacle of wisdom.”

6. Gentleness Is a Form of Goodness Towards the People

Abu al-Qasim al-Maliki narrated in Ash-Shuhub al-Lami'ah Fis-Siyasah An-Nafi'ah that the people once complained about a governor to the caliph. One of them, Sahl ibn Asim, said to the caliph: Nothing to be complained in your governor except that Allah commanded two things: He implemented one and neglected the other. Allah says, “Indeed, Allah orders justice and good conduct.” He implements justice among us but neglects kindness. Justice without kindness ruins the people. ⁽⁴⁾

7. Avoiding Harshness Saves from Allah’s Curse and Hellfire

Muslim narrated in his Sahih that Hisham ibn Hakim ibn Hizam happened to pass by people, the farmers of Syria, who had been made to stand in the sun. He said: What is the matter with them? They said: They have been detained for Jizya. Thereupon Hisham said: I bear testimony to the fact that I heard Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) as saying: “Allah would torment those who torment people in the world.”

Al-Hakim narrated from Aisha that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: “May Allah curse who rules with tyranny to exalt him whom God has humbled and humble him whom God has exalted.”

8. Gentleness Leads to Paradise

Muslim narrated in his Sahih that 'Iyad bin Himar (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said, “The people of Jannah will be of three kinds: A just successful ruler, a man who shows mercy to his relatives, and a pious believer who has a large family and refrains from begging.”

Waki’ narrated in Az-Zuhd with a sound chain from Qais ibn Abi Hazim, who said: It used to be said: “Whoever practices gentleness in this world will benefit from it in the Hereafter.”

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1. Al-Mu'jam Al-Wasit: Academy of the Arabic Language (1/356).

2. Ihya Ulum al-Din: Al-Ghazali (3/188).

3. Bahjat Al Majalis: Al-Qurṭubi, p. 200.

4. Ash-Shuhub al-Lami'ah Fis-Siyasah An-Nafi'ah: Abu Al-Qasim Al-Maliki, p. 313.

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